Almost exactly a year ago, I noted the upcoming “Face with open mouth vomiting” emoji (🤮). This emoji is now available on the latest OSes, but if you don’t see it at the end of the previous sentence, here’s a massive version of Apple’s take on it:

Apple’s “Face with open mouth vomiting” emoji

I have some questions for the designer at Apple who drew this, including “Where exactly is this massive stream of vomit coming from?” and “Did this poor creature eat green Jell-o with a side of Mike & Ikes?”. Artistic choices aside, however, this would seem to be an obvious choice if I needed to select an emoji for Barvd in 2018.

There’s actually now a wealth of options available for consideration. In addition to that actively puking face, there’s this guy who’s right on the cusp:

This “Nauseated face” (🤢) was introduced in 2016. Props are due to the Unicode Consortium for not incorrectly calling this the “nauseous” face.

More recently, the “Face with hand over mouth” (🤭) was introduced:

Apple’s version of this could be holding it in, but the eyes fail to show any sort of panic or plans to dash for a toilet or trash can. Worse, other platforms actually show smiling eyes and even a smiling mouth, making “Face with hand over mouth” a poor choice overall.

Clockwise from top left: Google, Microsoft, Twitter, and Facebook

Of course, as long time readers may recall, the Barvd emoji was already selected way back in 2014. In that long-ago era, life was generally worse all around. The women and people of color of emojiland found themselves largely unable to hold down a steady job (👩🏽‍⚕️👨🏿‍⚖️), and it was also impossible to ask for a glass of bourbon (🥃) or even properly flip someone off (🖕). In part because the available emoji set was far smaller, this little guy was chosen to represent Barvd:

“Speak-No-Evil Monkey”/Barvd emoji

We’ve been using this emoji for over four years, and I think he holds up well. While the above choices may be more obvious, part of the enjoyment of emoji is interpreting them. I welcome the use of alternative emoji alongside an exclamation of the word “Barvd!”, but personally, I’ll be sticking with the classic puking monkey. He never goes out of style.

Despite attempts by domain sellers, you won’t find a collection of disgusting social media posts on baronvd.com. No, it’s only on barvd.com that you can get this kind of delightful content, and here you are, just in time for another year of Barvd. Let’s look at what was dreadful in 2015!

January

We start the year off with something of a mess. The winner (and sole nominee) for this month is a tweet which has been deleted. Fortunately, much like the Library of Congress, the fine folks over at Favstar handle the archiving of tweets.

@doomnibbler__

As Brooklyn Nine-nine recently showed, mumps are both hilarious and disgusting.

February

Honestly, this one’s sort of a cheat, because it’s really just a tweet about a disgusting news story. On the other hand, it’s so foul that it’s easy to bend the rules so as to include it.

@HuffPostWeird

I have some questions about the structure of this headline. Should we not make yogurt with this grad student’s vagina, or with any vaginas? It’s unclear.

March

This next tweet actually seems relatively innocuous.

@Moltz

Sure, the idea of thousands of swarming ants is a bit unsettling, but withou—OH SWEET UNHOLY HELL

Run! Run to April! It can’t possibly be as bad as this!

April

You might be surprised how much time a Barvd post requires. I’ve had this picture up in my browser for quite some time:

@antichrista

It didn’t start out so disgusting, but like mold, the foulness has grown over time. I’m sick of looking at this horrible creation, but now it’s your turn.

May

The crassness of this tweet is rather off-putting:

@AlisonAgosti

But what’s much more off-putting is that Alison is entirely correct.

June

You know how to make a pretty lousy Smashing Pumpkins hit from the ’90s even worse?

@mallelis

Good luck not hearing that line sung in Billy Corgan’s nasal whine.

July

July is the time to celebrate America’s independence, so let’s look at an incredible American creation:

@Becca_DP

I was already gagging at the thought of a hamnana. There was no need to top it off with Hollandaise.

August

The following was tweeted during an early Republican debate, and it’s especially gross when you remember who was on stage.

@katefeetie

Even more sickening is the fact that this was just the beginning of many months of horrible Republican debates. Don’t worry though, just eight more months until the election.

September

This fantasy in three parts amuses, before it horrifies with the unpleasant yoga pants visual.

@rynbtmn, in a three tweet set

That poor imaginary child. That poor real us.

October

In recent years, traditional sexy/slutty Halloween costumes have really gotten played out. Thankfully, there are always innovators coming up with bold new ideas.

@MariyaAlexander

If you don’t remember Kim Davis, good for you. She’s too unappealing on both the outside and the inside to be pictured, even on the pages of Barvd, so you’ll have to do your own image search. If you do remember the dishonorable Ms. Davis, you know just how repugnant this idea is.

November

Let’s take a drive through almost 400 years of history. Halfway through we take a sharp left turn, so hang on tight.

@mrgan

Aw, come on, man. Neven. No.

December

In December, I wrote about “bully sticks”. The truth behind them is unappetizing to say the least. The response I got from one reader, however, was beyond the pail.¹

@MrDABailey

➕1️⃣ to Mr. Bailey for his correct use of the Barvd emoji, but ➖💯 for providing us all with the idea of hot, smoking bully stick.

We’re Done Here

That’s it for the year 2015. Thank goodness this is a leap year, as it enabled me to get our 2015 review in before March 1st. Fear not though, because the collecting of awfulness for 2016 has already begun. As always, if you’ve seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic or other post, send it in or just tweet a link to @PBones.

Footnotes:

1. No, that’s not a typo. “Beyond the pail”, as in, it made me puke so hard I overshot the bucket for which I was aiming. ↩︎