For the full backstory on Barvd.com, see this post. Bavrd.com is a simple redirect, showing the archives of posts containing nauseating tweets.
Submit others for consideration or just enjoy!
Thanks to a tweet shared by friend-of-the-site Daniel Jalkut, I’ve got a Barvd one-off to ruin your appetite today. As The Atlantic reports, this is an intact blood clot in the exact shape of the right bronchial tree.
It’s so very red!
That’s disgusting. It’s also oddly beautiful.
Almost exactly a year ago, I noted the upcoming “Face with open mouth vomiting” emoji (🤮). This emoji is now available on the latest OSes, but if you don’t see it at the end of the previous sentence, here’s a massive version of Apple’s take on it:
Apple’s “Face with open mouth vomiting” emoji
I have some questions for the designer at Apple who drew this, including “Where exactly is this massive stream of vomit coming from?” and “Did this poor creature eat green Jell-o with a side of Mike & Ikes?”. Artistic choices aside, however, this would seem to be an obvious choice if I needed to select an emoji for Barvd in 2018.
There’s actually now a wealth of options available for consideration. In addition to that actively puking face, there’s this guy who’s right on the cusp:
This “Nauseated face” (🤢) was introduced in 2016. Props are due to the Unicode Consortium for not incorrectly calling this the “nauseous” face.
More recently, the “Face with hand over mouth” (🤭) was introduced:
Apple’s version of this could be holding it in, but the eyes fail to show any sort of panic or plans to dash for a toilet or trash can. Worse, other platforms actually show smiling eyes and even a smiling mouth, making “Face with hand over mouth” a poor choice overall.
Clockwise from top left: Google, Microsoft, Twitter, and Facebook
Of course, as long time readers may recall, the Barvd emoji was already selected way back in 2014. In that long-ago era, life was generally worse all around. The women and people of color of emojiland found themselves largely unable to hold down a steady job (👩🏽⚕️👨🏿⚖️), and it was also impossible to ask for a glass of bourbon (🥃) or even properly flip someone off (🖕). In part because the available emoji set was far smaller, this little guy was chosen to represent Barvd:
“Speak-No-Evil Monkey”/Barvd emoji
We’ve been using this emoji for over four years, and I think he holds up well. While the above choices may be more obvious, part of the enjoyment of emoji is interpreting them. I welcome the use of alternative emoji alongside an exclamation of the word “Barvd!”, but personally, I’ll be sticking with the classic puking monkey. He never goes out of style.
2017 is almost over, which means it’s well past time for this year’s edition of Barvd. We may not even remember most of the most nauseating social media posts of 2016, but they happened nonetheless. Let’s make this a very scary Christmas, with a long overdue summary of the most disgusting tweets and Instagram posts from last year. Thankfully, for six more days, 2016 still is last year.
Winter weather in Boston is frightful, but it doesn’t usually involve arachnids.
Marie here found the exception, and now I’m scared to put on clothes without shaking the hell out of them.
I know we’d all like to forget Ted Cruz even exists, but this gross triptych is worth remembering, despite the something-shaming.
@scottsimpson, 2, 3
At the time of this writing, BeefyWattle.org is still available for registration.
March of 2016 had a large number of nominees, including several disgusting food items, which are always a favorite. And yet, this is insane “abbreviation” topped them all.
That’s simply unacceptable.
I really like this tweet with no context at all.
If you like, click to learn the context, but you might also choose to let it remain a mystery!
As Spring sprang in 2016, our pal Scott came back with a sickening Instagram post. I’m dry heaving just thinking about this:
Anyone considering purchasing this might better spend their time and money on cleaning.
Get ready for the old switcheroo…
Well played, Matt. I’m sure your parents are, uh, very proud.
Previously, we heard about hot, smoking bully sticks. Now, it gets worse.
It’s likely this is really putting the “anal” in “artisanal”.
Do you remember the 90s? They were pretty good overall, but they certainly weren’t perfect.
There’s a lot to take in here: The sweat. The McDonald’s. The thighs. Oh god, the pasty thighs. Let’s see if we can move on faster than Bill jogged.
Celebrities got into the Barvd game last year, with Canadian actor Devon Sawa sharing this monstrosity:
I guess we’d call it a “turpus”? At least until we cram a chicken in there to make it a “turpusen”, anyway.
In addition to being the last full month with hope and brightness in the world, October 2016 provided a bit of a mystery. When first looking at this tweet, it was not clear what was going on.
I first saw a person’s backside. OK, it’s a man, and he’s not in the best shape. Ah, jeez, is he at a urinal? That’s kind of gross. But ultimately, what’s the big deal? Let’s have a look at the full image:
Oh. Oh god. No. Why?! At least it’s a nice callback to our April selection.
I’m sure November had plenty of disgusting tweets. However, nothing was worse than this tweet (as well as others like it from news sources around the world):
As you can likely guess, I chose CNN’s tweet specifically. While I certainly wish this had been fake news, CNN is a credible news organization, and this was all too real. It was also all too sickening.
The day after the 2016 election, I quit reading Twitter cold turkey. I haven’t been back since. As such, I don’t have a selection for December. Viewing Donald Trump’s tweets from the entire month would provide plenty to be disgusted by, but you’re better off avoiding it entirely. The real world is stomach-turning enough without reading the ravings of the absolute worst president in history.
That’s it for the year 2016, and likely for our annual Barvd reviews as well. We’ll likely still have Barvd one-offs in the future, though. If you seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic, or other post, send it in, or tweet a link to @OneFootTsunami.
Despite attempts by domain sellers, you won’t find a collection of disgusting social media posts on baronvd.com. No, it’s only on barvd.com that you can get this kind of delightful content, and here you are, just in time for another year of Barvd. Let’s look at what was dreadful in 2015!
We start the year off with something of a mess. The winner (and sole nominee) for this month is a tweet which has been deleted. Fortunately, much like the Library of Congress, the fine folks over at Favstar handle the archiving of tweets.
As Brooklyn Nine-nine recently showed, mumps are both hilarious and disgusting.
Honestly, this one’s sort of a cheat, because it’s really just a tweet about a disgusting news story. On the other hand, it’s so foul that it’s easy to bend the rules so as to include it.
I have some questions about the structure of this headline. Should we not make yogurt with this grad student’s vagina, or with any vaginas? It’s unclear.
This next tweet actually seems relatively innocuous.
Sure, the idea of thousands of swarming ants is a bit unsettling, but withou—OH SWEET UNHOLY HELL
Run! Run to April! It can’t possibly be as bad as this!
You might be surprised how much time a Barvd post requires. I’ve had this picture up in my browser for quite some time:
It didn’t start out so disgusting, but like mold, the foulness has grown over time. I’m sick of looking at this horrible creation, but now it’s your turn.
The crassness of this tweet is rather off-putting:
But what’s much more off-putting is that Alison is entirely correct.
You know how to make a pretty lousy Smashing Pumpkins hit from the ’90s even worse?
Good luck not hearing that line sung in Billy Corgan’s nasal whine.
July is the time to celebrate America’s independence, so let’s look at an incredible American creation:
I was already gagging at the thought of a hamnana. There was no need to top it off with Hollandaise.
The following was tweeted during an early Republican debate, and it’s especially gross when you remember who was on stage.
Even more sickening is the fact that this was just the beginning of many months of horrible Republican debates. Don’t worry though, just eight more months until the election.
This fantasy in three parts amuses, before it horrifies with the unpleasant yoga pants visual.
@rynbtmn, in a three tweet set
That poor imaginary child. That poor real us.
In recent years, traditional sexy/slutty Halloween costumes have really gotten played out. Thankfully, there are always innovators coming up with bold new ideas.
If you don’t remember Kim Davis, good for you. She’s too unappealing on both the outside and the inside to be pictured, even on the pages of Barvd, so you’ll have to do your own image search. If you do remember the dishonorable Ms. Davis, you know just how repugnant this idea is.
Let’s take a drive through almost 400 years of history. Halfway through we take a sharp left turn, so hang on tight.
Aw, come on, man. Neven. No.
In December, I wrote about “bully sticks”. The truth behind them is unappetizing to say the least. The response I got from one reader, however, was beyond the pail.1
➕1️⃣ to Mr. Bailey for his correct use of the Barvd emoji, but ➖💯 for providing us all with the idea of hot, smoking bully stick.
That’s it for the year 2015. Thank goodness this is a leap year, as it enabled me to get our 2015 review in before March 1st. Fear not though, because the collecting of awfulness for 2016 has already begun. As always, if you’ve seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic or other post, send it in or just tweet a link to @PBones.
Footnotes:
No, that’s not a typo. “Beyond the pail”, as in, it made me puke so hard I overshot the bucket for which I was aiming. ↩︎
Here at One Foot Tsunami, we get emails. We get stacks and stacks of emails. These emails are almost entirely spam, generally asking if i’ll accept payment for a “sponsored post”. My commitment to journalistic integrity is strong, however, and you’ll never see ads masquerading as content here. At least not until these clowns start offering more money, anyhow.
Anyhow, I recently received a somewhat stranger email:
Initially, I couldn’t figure out what domain I own that’s related to “BaronVD.com”. Eventually I realized; I’m receiving this solicitation because I own Barvd.com. Yes, a domain name used to direct people to the worst of the worst in gross tweets and the like is now earning me unsolicited offers for “related domain names”.
So Theodora, I appreciate the offer, but please consider this my official notice of disinterest. Also, how the hell did you even find Barvd.com? Were you just trying assorted letter combinations? Krang!
After receiving this email, I took a peek at the actually site. It seems Theodora isn’t actually in a place to sell BaronVD.com anymore, as she let the registration lapse:
With only two hours left, the cost was $12, and there were zero bids. Hard luck!
Just over a year ago, the world was introduced to the Barvd emoji. Lamentably, however, there hasn’t been an official edition of Barvd since last January. Fortunately, plenty of awful was collected since then, so let’s take a look at 2014 in unpleasantness.
Thanks, Scott! It’s always good to kick things off with a truly horrifying thought.
I’m not saying you should visit RateMyPoo.com, because you shouldn’t. Hell, that’s why I didn’t even make that a link. But you should be aware that a bowel movement rating site exists, and allow that fact to color your impression of humanity.
This horrifying tweet from @heidihitschildren was a runner-up in February, and helped Scott to his second appearance here in just three months.
The cat grosses me out, but the sleep-mind cracks me up.
Probably the worst thing about this is that it’s technically correct, which is the best kind of correct.
We have an intermission here, as much like in August of 2013, no one grossed me out in June of 2014. It seems like my gag reflex takes summer vacations. Ah well — moving on!
And now, a passage from my upcoming novel “Mumphrey’s Downfall”, set amongst the backdrop of world diplomacy and international intrigue:
“As soon as he said it, he knew he’d made a terrible mistake. Forks and glasses clattered to the floor, and then the room fell silent. His words hung there, like a fart in the freezer.”
I am currently accepting bids from publishers.
It seems 2014 was a good year for gross-out tweets about bugs.
I particularly like the way Michaela’s tweet does not transcribe this as a quote from the foot. Rather, it is a simple statement of fact.
Sushi does not work that way!
Just re-reading this, I had a visceral gag. Awful, Matt, just awful.
Please allow my earlier comment, as well as @antichrista’s, to serve as a reply:
Damn straight. Insta-Barvd of the year, is more like it. Thanks a lot, Clarko. Jesus Crist.
Sometimes, I stop and take stock of things. “Self,” I’ll ask, in these moments of introspection, “are you really spending time compiling all the gross things people put out there on social media?”. Yes. Yes, I am, so if you’ve seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic or other post, send it in or just tweet a link to @PBones.
Until next time!
Recently, Barvd made a triumphant disgusting return to these pages. One “winner”, @ems, asked what the icon would be for a Barvd. I hadn’t thought of it before, but emoji definitely seem like the way to go here. They’re widely available, and full of all manner of pictures. So I took the time to scan through the emoji offered by iOS 7, and I’m pleased to present the Official Barvd Emoji:
The Official Barvd Emoji
This is technically called the “speak-no-evil monkey”, and it comes in a set with the see-no-evil and hear-no-evil monkeys: 🙈 🙉 🙊. However, on its own, this little simian definitely looks like it could be holding in some puke. Probably after reading a disgusting tweet someone posted.
So when someone says something disgusting, and you want to let them know, just send them a Barvd Monkey. They’ll get the message.
I was born by the river, in a little tent, and just like the river I’ve been barfing ever since. Yes, this installment of Barvd is a long, long time coming. We went through all of 2013 without a proper edition of Barvd, which almost certainly explains that hole you feel in your very being. However, just because a collection wasn’t published doesn’t mean the nauseating tweets and more weren’t being collected. So, herein, a retrospective showing the most vile post of each month of 2013.
Was that an expression of dismissal, or just the catcaller’s second try?
Ah, horsemeat jokes. Mostly forgotten now, yes, but topical and nauseating back in February 2013. With the horsemeat scandal long past, the question is, what are you eating now?
It’s not actually possible to sew a person together from ballsacks, but rest assured, science is working on it.
Despite the grossness of a zombie nipple, it’s Mr. Simpson’s hopefulness that’s truly revolting.
No! No you cannot! Not in the morning, nor in the evening, nor at supper time.
Also, if you didn’t grow up in America during the 90s, this handy reference will likely help.1
This was referring to a Sesame Street-themed amusement park aimed at young kids, which you’d have to assume is already a super bacteria breeding ground. Kids nursing from slushie spigots, however, is beyond the pale.
A Tom Arnold would probably look pretty much the same coming back up as it did going down.
Apparently, no one triggered my gag reflex in the month of August, and that’s perhaps the most sickening thing of all. Let’s move on.
Krang! Just reading that, I let out an involuntary yelp.
Can the health department be called to close a kitchen in someone’s house?
This one is so bad, Neven actually prefaced it with a warning. I did not. Hey, you knew what you were getting in to.
There’s only thing fouler than drinking hot “special garlic dipping sauce”, and that’s eating Papa John’s in the first place.
There you have it, “2013: The Year in Disgusting”. Who knows what the coming year holds in store for us? We shall see! If you’ve seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic or other post, send it in or just tweet a link to @PBones.
Footnotes:
Ho Ho Ho—excuse me, little stutter there! How the time does fly, as it’s been more than five months since the last edition of Barvd. This jumbo-sized holiday edition of Barvd features a post from the new Twitter alternative App.net, and a couple sickening shots from photo-sharing social network Instagram. It’s not just tweets that have the power to make us retch. Now let’s jingle onward:
Eggnog and Seltzer, together at last?
The first line is gross enough, but it’s the second line which puts it over the top. The only way those nachos could be less appealing is with the following cheese:
Ah, yes, the eternal, disgusting question.
Wait for it. Waaaait for it:
Oh god, don’t do that.
I know Amy Jane, and I actually believe she could pull off “Sexy Pete Rose”.
“Merry Christmas!”, from One Foot Tsunami.
And a truly horrifying New Year!
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