Welcome to Barvd.com

For the full backstory on Barvd.com, see this post. Bavrd.com is a simple redirect, showing the archives of posts containing nauseating tweets.

Submit others for consideration or just enjoy!

A Collection of Cuties

Wednesday, January 1st, 2020

Recently, I purchased a package of that delightful winter treat, the clementine. They’re easy to eat, and tasty, but this particular package really had some things going on. I didn’t notice what I’d picked up until after purchasing, but these were apparently “Cuties”, which seem to be made for small children:

A Cuties package, showing a clementine being bizarrely unzipped.

On the other hand, it’s possible the target audience is some sort of citrusphile fruit freaks. The imagery features unzipping that’s more than a little obscene, as well as eyebrows that look rather lustful. Frankly, the whole thing feels sexualized, and that’s just gross. Try to unsee it! I know I can’t.

Still, I’d already bought them before I noticed this, and returning them because they were “too sexy” seemed likely to get me on some sort of list. So, I cut open the net to place them all in a fruit bowl, so I could rid myself of the disturbing wrapping. When I did, I found that some of the clementines in the package had stickers on them.

These stickers appear to serve no real purpose, except perhaps to make me feel far less adult while I enjoyed a snack, and also to provide content for this site. Herein, a very brief review of the five Cutie stickers I saw:

Rudolph Cutie

A sticker which reads 'Rudolph Cutie'

This was the first of three stickers which were all appropriate for the Christmas season. Of course, if you take a look, you’ll see that Cuties don’t appear to have noses. As such, it seems as likely as not that “Rudolph Cutie” here actually has a giant, disgusting cyst. Barvd!

Jingle Cutie

A sticker which reads 'Jingle Cutie'

This sticker is fairly innocuous, though with the hat, it looks more like a “Santa Cutie” than a “Jingle Cutie” to me.

Stocking Stuffer

A sticker which reads 'Stocking Stuffer'

I like this sticker, because it alludes to the tradition of placing oranges in a Christmas stocking. I don’t know that a single small Cutie would make a great stocking stuffer, but a few could be nice.

Captain Cutie

A sticker which reads 'Captain Cutie'

Things took an abrupt turn away from Christmas with this pirate-themed sticker. I’m not sure what this has to do with much of anything, but at least we know this is one buccaneer who won’t get scurvy.


A sticker which reads 'Mouthcandy'

I really have issues with this final sticker. There are many modifiers for candy. We use “ear candy” for catchy music and “arm candy” for a young person accompanying an older individual on a date. There’s even “nose candy”, for cocaine. But mouthcandy? That’s just candy! It’s the default. You don’t need the “mouth” modifier. It would be like saying “heart blood”. That’s just blood!

Also, I’m not sure why this Cutie was dipped like a candy apple, but it’s very unappealing.


At the moment, I’m on the fence about purchasing more Cuties. Ultimately, if I can find a clementine that doesn’t make me feel like I need to wait until the lunch bell rings to eat it, that would be best.

Tree of Blood 

Friday, December 7th, 2018

Thanks to a tweet shared by friend-of-the-site Daniel Jalkut, I’ve got a Barvd one-off to ruin your appetite today. As The Atlantic reports, this is an intact blood clot in the exact shape of the right bronchial tree.

It’s so very red!

That’s disgusting. It’s also oddly beautiful.

Sticking With the Classic

Wednesday, March 21st, 2018

Almost exactly a year ago, I noted the upcoming “Face with open mouth vomiting” emoji (🤮). This emoji is now available on the latest OSes, but if you don’t see it at the end of the previous sentence, here’s a massive version of Apple’s take on it:

Apple’s “Face with open mouth vomiting” emoji

I have some questions for the designer at Apple who drew this, including “Where exactly is this massive stream of vomit coming from?” and “Did this poor creature eat green Jell-o with a side of Mike & Ikes?”. Artistic choices aside, however, this would seem to be an obvious choice if I needed to select an emoji for Barvd in 2018.

There’s actually now a wealth of options available for consideration. In addition to that actively puking face, there’s this guy who’s right on the cusp:

This “Nauseated face” (🤢) was introduced in 2016. Props are due to the Unicode Consortium for not incorrectly calling this the “nauseous” face.

More recently, the “Face with hand over mouth” (🤭) was introduced:

Apple’s version of this could be holding it in, but the eyes fail to show any sort of panic or plans to dash for a toilet or trash can. Worse, other platforms actually show smiling eyes and even a smiling mouth, making “Face with hand over mouth” a poor choice overall.

Clockwise from top left: Google, Microsoft, Twitter, and Facebook

Of course, as long time readers may recall, the Barvd emoji was already selected way back in 2014. In that long-ago era, life was generally worse all around. The women and people of color of emojiland found themselves largely unable to hold down a steady job (👩🏽‍⚕️👨🏿‍⚖️), and it was also impossible to ask for a glass of bourbon (🥃) or even properly flip someone off (🖕). In part because the available emoji set was far smaller, this little guy was chosen to represent Barvd:

“Speak-No-Evil Monkey”/Barvd emoji

We’ve been using this emoji for over four years, and I think he holds up well. While the above choices may be more obvious, part of the enjoyment of emoji is interpreting them. I welcome the use of alternative emoji alongside an exclamation of the word “Barvd!”, but personally, I’ll be sticking with the classic puking monkey. He never goes out of style.

Barvd: 2016 in Review

Monday, December 25th, 2017

2017 is almost over, which means it’s well past time for this year’s edition of Barvd. We may not even remember most of the most nauseating social media posts of 2016, but they happened nonetheless. Let’s make this a very scary Christmas, with a long overdue summary of the most disgusting tweets and Instagram posts from last year. Thankfully, for six more days, 2016 still is last year.


Winter weather in Boston is frightful, but it doesn’t usually involve arachnids.

well, a spider just crawled out of the hat that i stuffed in my coat pocket last night, so i'm just going to go become one with the snow now

Marie here found the exception, and now I’m scared to put on clothes without shaking the hell out of them.


I know we’d all like to forget Ted Cruz even exists, but this gross triptych is worth remembering, despite the something-shaming.

I'd make a Twitter account for Ted Cruz's wattle if it wasn't something-shaming.; Beefy Wattle dot org; A restaurant like Hooters but for hot beefy middle-aged man wattles. 

@scottsimpson, 2, 3

At the time of this writing, BeefyWattle.org is still available for registration.


March of 2016 had a large number of nominees, including several disgusting food items, which are always a favorite. And yet, this is insane “abbreviation” topped them all.

A shocking discovery we made today: S&B stands for………Spice and HerB

That’s simply unacceptable.


I really like this tweet with no context at all.

This is why I always sit down on urinals to pee.

If you like, click to learn the context, but you might also choose to let it remain a mystery!


As Spring sprang in 2016, our pal Scott came back with a sickening Instagram post. I’m dry heaving just thinking about this:

This is why I always sit down on urinals to pee.

Anyone considering purchasing this might better spend their time and money on cleaning.


Get ready for the old switcheroo…

When my dad was my age he owned a house & had two kids with my mom. I rent a single room & haven't even made it to 2nd base with my mom yet.

Well played, Matt. I’m sure your parents are, uh, very proud.


Previously, we heard about hot, smoking bully sticks. Now, it gets worse.

Pro tip: Keep your pouches of artisanal jerky in a different cabinet than your artisanal dog treats.

It’s likely this is really putting the “anal” in “artisanal”.


Do you remember the 90s? They were pretty good overall, but they certainly weren’t perfect.

If you are too young to remember the 1990s and think the 1990s are cool, this is what the 1990s actually looked like - Al Gore and Bill Clinton sweaty in short shorts

There’s a lot to take in here: The sweat. The McDonald’s. The thighs. Oh god, the pasty thighs. Let’s see if we can move on faster than Bill jogged.


Celebrities got into the Barvd game last year, with Canadian actor Devon Sawa sharing this monstrosity:

Can't wait to make this traditional Canadian Thanksgiving feast for all my American friends - some kinda disturbing turkey and octopus hybrid

I guess we’d call it a “turpus”? At least until we cram a chicken in there to make it a “turpusen”, anyway.


In addition to being the last full month with hope and brightness in the world, October 2016 provided a bit of a mystery. When first looking at this tweet, it was not clear what was going on.

oh my god

I first saw a person’s backside. OK, it’s a man, and he’s not in the best shape. Ah, jeez, is he at a urinal? That’s kind of gross. But ultimately, what’s the big deal? Let’s have a look at the full image:

oh my god

Oh. Oh god. No. Why?! At least it’s a nice callback to our April selection.


I’m sure November had plenty of disgusting tweets. However, nothing was worse than this tweet (as well as others like it from news sources around the world):

BREAKING: Donald Trump will win the White House, making him the 45th US president, CNN projects

As you can likely guess, I chose CNN’s tweet specifically. While I certainly wish this had been fake news, CNN is a credible news organization, and this was all too real. It was also all too sickening.


The day after the 2016 election, I quit reading Twitter cold turkey. I haven’t been back since. As such, I don’t have a selection for December. Viewing Donald Trump’s tweets from the entire month would provide plenty to be disgusted by, but you’re better off avoiding it entirely. The real world is stomach-turning enough without reading the ravings of the absolute worst president in history.

The End

That’s it for the year 2016, and likely for our annual Barvd reviews as well. We’ll likely still have Barvd one-offs in the future, though. If you seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic, or other post, send it in, or tweet a link to @OneFootTsunami.

They Finally Made a Real Barvd Emoji 

Monday, March 20th, 2017

Relatively recently, emoji were updated to include modifiers. This functionality enables multiple emoji to be joined into one, thus making it easier to have multiple genders and skin tones for people. Now, XKCD suggests a new modifier.

Barvd: 2015 in Review

Monday, February 29th, 2016

Despite attempts by domain sellers, you won’t find a collection of disgusting social media posts on baronvd.com. No, it’s only on barvd.com that you can get this kind of delightful content, and here you are, just in time for another year of Barvd. Let’s look at what was dreadful in 2015!


We start the year off with something of a mess. The winner (and sole nominee) for this month is a tweet which has been deleted. Fortunately, much like the Library of Congress, the fine folks over at Favstar handle the archiving of tweets.

You ever wonder if the air in those bubbles came from some factory where the wife of the boss hates vaccines so everybody has mumps?

As Brooklyn Nine-nine recently showed, mumps are both hilarious and disgusting.


Honestly, this one’s sort of a cheat, because it’s really just a tweet about a disgusting news story. On the other hand, it’s so foul that it’s easy to bend the rules so as to include it.

Woman makes yogurt using ingredients that may cause you to lose your lunch

I have some questions about the structure of this headline. Should we not make yogurt with this grad student’s vagina, or with any vaginas? It’s unclear.


This next tweet actually seems relatively innocuous.

Man, you post a video of 10,000 swarming ants on your Instagram and everyone freaks out.

Sure, the idea of thousands of swarming ants is a bit unsettling, but withou—OH SWEET UNHOLY HELL

Run! Run to April! It can’t possibly be as bad as this!


You might be surprised how much time a Barvd post requires. I’ve had this picture up in my browser for quite some time:

Hot dog/spaghetti jellyfish for Olive's lunch. Fun and little gross.

It didn’t start out so disgusting, but like mold, the foulness has grown over time. I’m sick of looking at this horrible creation, but now it’s your turn.


The crassness of this tweet is rather off-putting:

Congrats to American Pharaoh your cum is worth so much money now

But what’s much more off-putting is that Alison is entirely correct.


You know how to make a pretty lousy Smashing Pumpkins hit from the ’90s even worse?

*billy corgan voice* the world is a webinar

Good luck not hearing that line sung in Billy Corgan’s nasal whine.


July is the time to celebrate America’s independence, so let’s look at an incredible American creation:

i found this old recipe photo and now i cannot stop screaming.

I was already gagging at the thought of a hamnana. There was no need to top it off with Hollandaise.


The following was tweeted during an early Republican debate, and it’s especially gross when you remember who was on stage.

true story: they have to burn those podiums afterwards because the candidates orgasm every time they say 'Benghazi' #GOPDebate

Even more sickening is the fact that this was just the beginning of many months of horrible Republican debates. Don’t worry though, just eight more months until the election.


This fantasy in three parts amuses, before it horrifies with the unpleasant yoga pants visual.

Sorry I'm late! Let's get on with the show! Can anywhere guess where my dove is?
*silence; child slowly raises hand*
@rynbtmn, in a three tweet set

That poor imaginary child. That poor real us.


In recent years, traditional sexy/slutty Halloween costumes have really gotten played out. Thankfully, there are always innovators coming up with bold new ideas.

Halloween costume ideas:
-Sexy Iran Deal
-Sexy Water On Mars 
-Sexy Kim Davis

If you don’t remember Kim Davis, good for you. She’s too unappealing on both the outside and the inside to be pictured, even on the pages of Barvd, so you’ll have to do your own image search. If you do remember the dishonorable Ms. Davis, you know just how repugnant this idea is.


Let’s take a drive through almost 400 years of history. Halfway through we take a sharp left turn, so hang on tight.

1620—Francis Bacon describes the scientific method

2015—I experimentally confirm that I can use mouthwash and blow my nose at the same time

Aw, come on, man. Neven. No.


In December, I wrote about “bully sticks”. The truth behind them is unappetizing to say the least. The response I got from one reader, however, was beyond the pail.1

a friend tried to save money by cutting bully sticks into smaller portions. The smell from the bandsaw can only be described as 🙊

➕1️⃣ to Mr. Bailey for his correct use of the Barvd emoji, but ➖💯 for providing us all with the idea of hot, smoking bully stick.

We’re Done Here

That’s it for the year 2015. Thank goodness this is a leap year, as it enabled me to get our 2015 review in before March 1st. Fear not though, because the collecting of awfulness for 2016 has already begun. As always, if you’ve seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic or other post, send it in or just tweet a link to @PBones.


  1. No, that’s not a typo. “Beyond the pail”, as in, it made me puke so hard I overshot the bucket for which I was aiming. ↩︎

Sounds Like a Site for Fancy STDs

Tuesday, June 9th, 2015

Here at One Foot Tsunami, we get emails. We get stacks and stacks of emails. These emails are almost entirely spam, generally asking if i’ll accept payment for a “sponsored post”. My commitment to journalistic integrity is strong, however, and you’ll never see ads masquerading as content here. At least not until these clowns start offering more money, anyhow.

Anyhow, I recently received a somewhat stranger email:


Initially, I couldn’t figure out what domain I own that’s related to “BaronVD.com”. Eventually I realized; I’m receiving this solicitation because I own Barvd.com. Yes, a domain name used to direct people to the worst of the worst in gross tweets and the like is now earning me unsolicited offers for “related domain names”.

So Theodora, I appreciate the offer, but please consider this my official notice of disinterest. Also, how the hell did you even find Barvd.com? Were you just trying assorted letter combinations? Krang!

After receiving this email, I took a peek at the actually site. It seems Theodora isn’t actually in a place to sell BaronVD.com anymore, as she let the registration lapse:


With only two hours left, the cost was $12, and there were zero bids. Hard luck!

Barvd: 2014 in Review

Thursday, February 12th, 2015

Just over a year ago, the world was introduced to the Barvd emoji. Lamentably, however, there hasn’t been an official edition of Barvd since last January. Fortunately, plenty of awful was collected since then, so let’s take a look at 2014 in unpleasantness.


Gotta figure by this point, thousands of divorced dads have accidentally sexted their daughter

Thanks, Scott! It’s always good to kick things off with a truly horrifying thought.


There are lots of sounds you don't want to hear in the next stall over, but the iPhone camera shutter is pretty high up there.

I’m not saying you should visit RateMyPoo.com, because you shouldn’t. Hell, that’s why I didn’t even make that a link. But you should be aware that a bowel movement rating site exists, and allow that fact to color your impression of humanity.


Much like the Olsen twins on Full House, the role of 'weird lump on my bathroom wall' was played by 15,000 spiders

This horrifying tweet from @heidihitschildren was a runner-up in February, and helped Scott to his second appearance here in just three months.


My sleep-mind said 'Whatever, it's fine if the cat pukes on my back, I'll clean it up later.' Luckily I woke up enough to prevent that.

The cat grosses me out, but the sleep-mind cracks me up.


Soup is a great way to eat wet meat out of a little bathtub.

Probably the worst thing about this is that it’s technically correct, which is the best kind of correct.


We have an intermission here, as much like in August of 2013, no one grossed me out in June of 2014. It seems like my gag reflex takes summer vacations. Ah well — moving on!


'My dad worked in a sub-zero meat locker. He said the worst thing about it was, farts would hang in the still air forever. Eight hours a day.

And now, a passage from my upcoming novel “Mumphrey’s Downfall”, set amongst the backdrop of world diplomacy and international intrigue:

  • “As soon as he said it, he knew he’d made a terrible mistake. Forks and glasses clattered to the floor, and then the room fell silent. His words hung there, like a fart in the freezer.”

I am currently accepting bids from publishers.


'90 percent of hotel beds have bedbugs. But look at your own bed. It’s entirely made of bedbugs. Now look in the mirror. Yes. You are, too.

It seems 2014 was a good year for gross-out tweets about bugs.


'Almost forgot: @magnetbox's foot says Hi

I particularly like the way Michaela’s tweet does not transcribe this as a quote from the foot. Rather, it is a simple statement of fact.


I guess sushi is okay, but it makes the microwave smell terrible and by the time the fish is cooked through, the rice is overdone.

Sushi does not work that way!


Old man at urinal. Both hands on hips. Possibly prehensile penis.

Just re-reading this, I had a visceral gag. Awful, Matt, just awful.


Special Garlic Dipping Sauce in a Keurig

Please allow my earlier comment, as well as @antichrista’s, to serve as a reply:

Jesus, Dude

Damn straight. Insta-Barvd of the year, is more like it. Thanks a lot, Clarko. Jesus Crist.

Closing Time

Sometimes, I stop and take stock of things. “Self,” I’ll ask, in these moments of introspection, “are you really spending time compiling all the gross things people put out there on social media?”. Yes. Yes, I am, so if you’ve seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic or other post, send it in or just tweet a link to @PBones.

Until next time!

The Barvd Emoji

Monday, February 10th, 2014

Recently, Barvd made a triumphant disgusting return to these pages. One “winner”, @ems, asked what the icon would be for a Barvd. I hadn’t thought of it before, but emoji definitely seem like the way to go here. They’re widely available, and full of all manner of pictures. So I took the time to scan through the emoji offered by iOS 7, and I’m pleased to present the Official Barvd Emoji:

Barvd Emoji
The Official Barvd Emoji

This is technically called the “speak-no-evil monkey”, and it comes in a set with the see-no-evil and hear-no-evil monkeys: 🙈 🙉 🙊. However, on its own, this little simian definitely looks like it could be holding in some puke. Probably after reading a disgusting tweet someone posted.

So when someone says something disgusting, and you want to let them know, just send them a Barvd Monkey. They’ll get the message.

Barvd: 2013 in Review

Friday, January 17th, 2014

I was born by the river, in a little tent, and just like the river I’ve been barfing ever since. Yes, this installment of Barvd is a long, long time coming. We went through all of 2013 without a proper edition of Barvd, which almost certainly explains that hole you feel in your very being. However, just because a collection wasn’t published doesn’t mean the nauseating tweets and more weren’t being collected. So, herein, a retrospective showing the most vile post of each month of 2013.


I didn't respond to a catcaller today so he blew a snot rocket at me.

Was that an expression of dismissal, or just the catcaller’s second try?


I guess we should probably change the saying to 'I’m so hungry I could eat a horse on purpose'.

Ah, horsemeat jokes. Mostly forgotten now, yes, but topical and nauseating back in February 2013. With the horsemeat scandal long past, the question is, what are you eating now?


Another one of my dad's colorful expressions, said of an unattractive person: 'he looks like he's sewn together from ballsacks.'

It’s not actually possible to sew a person together from ballsacks, but rest assured, science is working on it.


If they can do all those gross violence things to the zombies on Walking Dead, maybe we can get a zombie nip slip as well?

Despite the grossness of a zombie nipple, it’s Mr. Simpson’s hopefulness that’s truly revolting.


When Beef Wellington's on a bagel, you can eat Beef Wellington anytime!

No! No you cannot! Not in the morning, nor in the evening, nor at supper time.

Also, if you didn’t grow up in America during the 90s, this handy reference will likely help.1


@lexfri I still have flashbacks to the self-serve slushie bar there. Unattended children just sucking on the spigots. Never again.

This was referring to a Sesame Street-themed amusement park aimed at young kids, which you’d have to assume is already a super bacteria breeding ground. Kids nursing from slushie spigots, however, is beyond the pale.


'No, half lemonade half iced tea is an Arnold Palmer. A Tom Arnold is half lemonade half Hormel chili.'

A Tom Arnold would probably look pretty much the same coming back up as it did going down.


Apparently, no one triggered my gag reflex in the month of August, and that’s perhaps the most sickening thing of all. Let’s move on.


'What is it about yoga mats that just attract lint constantly?'*picks up lint**lint turns out to be a live spider*

Krang! Just reading that, I let out an involuntary yelp.


If a recipe calls for grated cheese and you don't have quite enough, don't worry! The grated knuckle will totally make up the difference.

Can the health department be called to close a kitchen in someone’s house?


My long-haired friend Tom woke up with eye pain, realized one of his hairs was wrapped around his eyeball, all the way around it.

This one is so bad, Neven actually prefaced it with a warning. I did not. Hey, you knew what you were getting in to.


Special Garlic Dipping Sauce in a Keurig

There’s only thing fouler than drinking hot “special garlic dipping sauce”, and that’s eating Papa John’s in the first place.

That’s a Wrap

There you have it, “2013: The Year in Disgusting”. Who knows what the coming year holds in store for us? We shall see! If you’ve seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic or other post, send it in or just tweet a link to @PBones.


  1. Archived as always. ↩︎