After reading yesterday’s post on the possibility of automating advice columns, friend-of-the-site and co-conspirator Chris D. speculated that if you asked ChatGPT what not to do, it would probably kick back something close to what Dear Abby actually offered. I decided to give it a try. My prompt was as follows:
Pretend you want to give someone bad advice. How would you respond to this request for help?
DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old guy. I live in California. There’s an eighth grade girl I have a crush on. The last time I saw her was three years ago in a musical theater show we were both in. I knew she liked me when she passed me a note that said, “Do you like me?” Sadly, I chickened out.
I did write a really cool love rap for her. The problem is, she’s on TV shows and commercials in L.A., and she might think she’s too good for me now. How should I approach her? Should I show her my rap? — CRUSHING IN SAN DIEGO
To refresh your memory and save you a click, this was Abby’s counsel:
Approach her by letting her know you think she’s doing a great job on those shows and commercials. Then tell her you wrote something just for her and share it with her. It’s a huge compliment and she should be appreciative. However, if she indicates that she thinks she’s “too good for you now,” it is very important you remember that because someone feels that way DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE. (There’s a showbiz adage that’s as true today as it was when it was coined: “Be nice to people you meet on your way up. You’ll meet them on your way down.”)
And this was the robot’s response for what would constitute bad advice:
DEAR CRUSHING IN SAN DIEGO: Oh, don’t worry about it at all! You should definitely approach her in the most dramatic and attention-seeking way possible. Find out where she lives and organize a surprise performance of your love rap on her doorstep. Make sure to invite all your friends and maybe even contact local news outlets to cover the event.
While you’re at it, make a large sign declaring your feelings and hang it up in a public place where she’s likely to see it. This way, you can ensure maximum exposure for your love rap. Remember, subtlety is overrated, and nothing says “romance” like a grand gesture that puts her on the spot in front of everyone she knows!
And don’t worry about her being on TV shows and commercials in L.A. She’ll surely appreciate the effort you put into making a scene just for her. Good luck, and go for it with all the flair you can muster!
The AI response is over the top, to be sure, but Jeanne Phillips should not be comfortable with the similarities between the above two responses. She might also be concerned that with its sarcasm, even ChatGPT’s bad response was more entertaining than her own.