Previous “Features” posts

Grossly Manipulative

I’d better do something, and fast!

Google has a “Local Guides” program, where users can provide information to help others. The system will sometimes ask a specific question about a business, such as “Does X offer good vegetarian options?”. Because I’d like there to be better information out there, I’m often willing to contribute.

But recently while traveling, I received the following prompt:

A notification reading “Grass Roots Kitchen • Answer quick questi... 1,000+ people are asking questions and need your help

Oh god! Over 1,000 people need my help? Right now? This is so much pressure, Google.

Don’t be evil” was a nice thought, but it seems Google has found “Exploit the better angels of humanity” a lot more profitable.

The Truth About the Poached Eggs Murder

Rest in peace, Helen Menicou

While visiting San Francisco yesterday, I stopped into an old favorite restaurant: The Pinecrest Diner. It had been over a decade since my last visit, but I found the hash browns as delicious as ever.

Pinecrest, circa 2026
[Photo credit: P. Kafasis]

While there, however, I noticed something curious. No matter how much I scoured their menu, I could find no prohibition on poached eggs. That might seem an odd thing to look for, unless you know the Pinecrest’s infamous history. In 1997, it was the site of a homicide which purportedly took place over poached eggs.

When I was visiting the restaurant more regularly back in the 2000s and early-to-mid 2010s, I heard whispers of this story, but it very much had the smell of an urban legend. Still, there was no denying that poached eggs really were expressly prohibited by the menu. Here’s a picture I managed to dig up on Tripadvisor:

Pinecrest’s menu, circa 2018
A previous Pinecrest menu
[Photo credit: FrancescaM]

Zooming in, it reads “We regret we cannot prepare poach or boiled eggs.”


Assuming we can trust the photo’s baked-in date, the prohibition lasted at least until 2018.

I don’t even eat eggs, but during late night visits, I felt something akin to the call of the void. I would fantasize about making a seemingly oblivious request for the forbidden dish, or endorsing the diner to others by suggesting that they “try the poached eggs!”.

After my recent meal, I decided I should learn the true story. A quick web search led to a 2021 piece Katie Dowd wrote, which provides a thorough history of this incident. She details how shift manager Helen Menicou and cook Hashem Zayed really did have a fight about a special order for poached eggs, and spells out the fatal results. It was a terrible waste of two different lives.

Despite that tragedy, the diner itself has lived on. I’m not sure what their current policies are regarding special orders of items not on the menu, but it’s probably better safe than sorry. While I can certainly recommend you visit Pinecrest if you’re in San Francisco, I cannot in good conscience recommend that you try the poached eggs.

New Halls Encouragements Just Dropped

These may, in fact, have dropped many years ago.

Eight years ago, I first noted the phrases printed on the wrappers of Halls cough drops. When I was recently mildly under the weather again, I purchased some more Halls, and found a somewhat updated list of encouragements.

A Halls cough drop wrapper

This newer wrapper design is a step backwards in terms of legibility, but given what’s written on the wrappers, that may be a feature. Here’s a full list:

A Complete List Of Slogans Seen on Halls Cough Drops Purchased in 2026, along with dumb responses I thought of while seeking to avoid a coughing fit

  • Seize the day.
    I’m sick! I’d really rather not.

  • Go get it!
    Please calm down.

  • Go for it.
    Thank you. Still, my ambition is not that high right now.

  • Get through it.
    That’s much more reasonable.

  • Conquer today.
    No, that’s too much again! How about “Survive today”?

  • Don’t wait to get started.
    I think I will.

  • Put your game face on.
    OK, but keep me on the bench today, huh?

  • March Forward!
    Why is “Forward” capitalized?

  • A PEP TALK IN EVERY DROP™
    It’s been at least eight years. Isn’t it time you registered this trademark? Stop yelling and go ® that ™.

  • Turn “can do” into “can did!”
    Alright, I’ve ignored the seemingly random usage of periods and exclamation points until now. But this really ought to have a period at the end, or the exclamation point should move outside the (sickeningly straight) quote.

  • Impress yourself today.
    I’ll be impressed if I don’t crack a rib.

  • Tough is your middle name.
    Actually, it’s not.

  • You’ve survived tougher.
    OK, that’s probably true.

  • Nothing you can’t handle.
    As is that.

  • Take charge and mean it.
    More like “Nap and mean it”.

Ultimately, I did indeed survive my mild cold and now I’m putting it to good use as content for this site.

Quick and Creepy

If you read this post too, Sid, don’t email me about it.

Just before 9 AM yesterday, I posted about Dawn Zuidgeest-Craft, the septuagenarian resident. Approximately 90 minutes later, I received an email to my work account with the subject line “if Dawn can be a doctor at 72- it’s never too late for anything”. I was initially confused as to what was happening. When I opened the email, however, I saw that it was simply spam. Impressively well-targeted spam, but spam nonetheless:

An email message readingf “If Dawn Zuidgeest-Craft can become a doctor at 72, it's never too late to evaluate Deel as your payroll provider. Deel handles payroll, compliance, benefits all from one platform. Curious, do you have a payroll provider right now or is the process handled manually? ”
As I know the impact an uncommon last name can have, I’ve lightly censored the above email.

I occasionally mention my day job on here, but One Foot Tsunami and Rogue Amoeba are really quite distinct entities. They do not overlap. Attempting to leverage a cursory glance at my humor website to get my company as a payroll client is at best gross, and at worst creepy. Don’t do this.

Happy Mother’s Lengths of Time

I had to type “D-a-y” letter by letter, like an animal.

As I wrote a text message yesterday, I was presented with the dumbest set of auto-suggestions I can recall ever seeing. Please marvel at the ridiculousness:

A line of text that says “Happy Mother’s” and auto suggestions of “Week”, “Month”, and “Weekend”

Mothers certainly deserve a full month, but at present, that’s not what we’ve got.

Sub-Two Sabastian Sawe

Sabastian Sawe flew into the record books.

Before yesterday, the fastest marathon ever raced was Kelvin Kiptum’s 2023 Chicago run, where the late phenom put up a 2:00:35. You might also remember Eliud Kipchoge’s 1:59:40.2, which he ran in a non-sanctioned event purpose-built to break the two hour mark. Both of those were amazing feats.

Now, however, there is a new mark. On Sunday, Sabastian Sawe of Kenya dropped an astonishing 1:59:30 in the London Marathon. This shattered the previous race record by over a minute, and even managed to beat Kipchoge’s controlled time by a solid 10 seconds. I’ve been waiting and watching for a sub-two hour marathon, and now I’m delighted to see it accomplished.

Just look at Sawe go:

Sabastian Sawe breaking the tape at the London Marathon after just 1 hour 59 minutes and 30 seconds
A blur of Sabastian Sawe breaking the tape in 1:59:30
[Still frame from a video by FloTrack]

When writing about Eliud Kipchoge’s 2018 world record time of 2:01:39, I said:

He ran a mile in 4:38, and then did it 25 more times after that, and then still ran another 2/10ths of a mile! The mind reels.

You probably know a 4:38 mile is fast, but just how fast is it? Well, it would require laps of just 70 seconds around a 400-meter track, which I don’t believe I could manage even once. It’s also 17.5 second 100-meter dashes

Let’s check those numbers for Sabastian Sawe. He averaged 4:33.47 minute miles across the entire race. That’s just 68 seconds to get around a 400-meter track, or exactly 17 seconds on the 100-meter dash. I eventually did test sprinting 100 meters, and I managed right around 17 seconds, once. Once! Sawe just rattled off 422 of those in a row. The mind continues to reel.

So take a moment to celebrate what Sabastian Sawe just accomplished. I suspect we’ll see further records times, but he’ll always be the first to race a sub-two hour marathon. And spare a thought for Yomif Kejelcha, the Buzz Aldrin to Sawe’s Neil Armstrong. In his first marathon ever, Kejelcha’s ran a blistering 1:59:41, 54 seconds faster than the previous marathon world record. Alas, yesterday, that was only good enough for second place.

Sectional 42

This appears to be a one-off item. They ought to consider selling more of them.

The bleachers at Fenway Park are a near-uniform sea of green. However, in section 42, row 37, seat 21, there is a lone red seat.

A red seat amongst a sea of green seats
[Photo credit: Ewen Roberts]

That special seat marks where Ted Williams hit what is recorded as the longest home run in Fenway Park history, at 502 feet. As the folks over at Uni Watch note:

The seat was turned red in 1984 to commemorate the massive blow and has since become part of the team’s lore and culture. The seat’s mystique grew following Williams’s death in 2002, as the Red Sox kept the seat vacant for the remainder of that season. (Fans who’d already purchased tickets for that seat were upgraded to better locations in the ballpark.)

Now, a second lone red seat is headed for the living room of some lucky Red Sox fan. Jordan’s Furniture has created a special green and red couch as a promotion, and I’m grateful that friend-of-the-site Jason S. gave me a heads-up. Now, you can feast your eyes on the delightfully-named “Sectional 42”:

A red section, in an otherwise green sectional sofa
[Image: Jordan’s Furniture]

That is just some outstanding marketing. There are a lot of bad ads out there, so it’s nice to spot a good one once in awhile. And if you’d like to win this sweet sofa, enter over on Instagram. You’ll also be helping raise money to fight cancer.

The Magawa Monument Is Made of Stone

I also learned that the base is made from steel and designed to look like a landmine.

When writing about the massive monument to the hero rat Magawa, I noted that it looked like wood, despite all reporting stating it was stone. I went so far as to feed a picture to A.I. to try to learn more, and the robots suspected it as wood too. When pressed, they suggested it could be something like sandstone, however.

Not content with this uncertainty, I contacted Apopo’s press office. A day later, I received this ever so helpful reply:

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for your support over the years, we really appreciate it.

Yes, I can confirm that the Magawa sculpture is indeed made from stone. It’s carved from the same type of Cambodian stone traditionally used in Angkor Wat, which is part of what makes it so special.

I agree it can be surprising from certain angles, the craftsmanship is extraordinary, and the finish and detailing can sometimes give it a warmer, almost “wood-like” appearance in photos and video.

If you haven’t already seen it, here’s the making-of video which shows the process in more detail: https://youtu.be/sPeRQieGMoE

Thanks again for helping share Magawa’s story.

What a delightfully definitive answer. Though my eyes still struggle to believe it, the Magawa statue is indeed made of stone. And sure enough, Angkor Wat is made of millions of sandstone blocks. The making-of video confirms it’s yellow sandstones, and at about the 6:15 mark, there’s even footage of the carving process showing a nascent Magawa:

The Magawa statue, in progress

I am delighted to have been shown this video evidence, and to share it with you. Now I’ll close with a link to Apopo’s donation page, where you too can sponsor a real-life landmine detection rat for that special someone in your life.

Stay in Your Lane, Paperless Post

We should all be managing our own digital calendars.

When covering the automated rudeness of Resy, I said:

I’m a responsible adult who keeps a digital calendar. When I book a table for dinner, I also create an event, complete with reminders. Thanks to this system, I don’t believe I’ve ever missed a reservation in my life. That’s not boasting, it’s just how one should act in society.

This system continues to prevent me from being a flake, ensuring I remember and attend all manner of events. I need no further assistance, but boy do a lot of barely related services want to offer me some.

The latest was the online invitation company Paperless Post. Recently, I received a friendly birthday invitation sent with their system. I like cake, so I figured I’d go. I put the event in my calendar and then used the RSVP link to respond in the affirmative. That should have been the end of it, but it was not.

Instead, Paperless Post offered me this:

A setup box for a text message reminder

As you will no doubt guess, I clicked that de-emphasized “Skip” button. I do not need more automated texts in my life. Also, could we all just affirm once and for all that we know that message and data rates may apply? I shudder to think of the cumulative amount of time wasted reading the endless stream of notices of that obvious fact.

As I thought about this goofy feature more, it occurred to me that a text an hour before an event is surely rather late. How many people are reminded by such a text, and actually manage to show? Rather than alerting someone they should be attending an event soon, it’s almost certain to be the first indication that they’ll be missing it.

There are two other options offered, one of which is a day before reminder. That could be helpful, and it seems like it ought to be the default.

Three options for timing the reminder, 1 hour before, 2 hours before, or 1 day before

Either way, though, I’ll be passing. I don’t need to be receiving a text message like this:

A text message that says “You’re due at Benny’s First Birthday in 60 minutes”.

Perverse Incentives in License Plates

Or at the very least, a silver lining to bad decisions.

While writing about the 9-9-9 challenge, I learned of the existence of license plates specifically assigned to DUI offenders. These plates are a tool to assist law enforcement in monitoring high-risk drivers and to deter repeat violations. However, they’ve gained the nicknames “party plates” in Ohio and “whiskey plates” in Minnesota. Those names convey an insouciance, rather than intended shame.

There’s also a problem with the visuals. Though the yellow is a bit garish, Ohio’s DUI plate looks markedly better than their mess of a standard plate:

A standard Ohio license plate, and a DUI plate
[Photos via Wikipedia]

That’s a bad incentive.