Previous “In My Mailbox” posts

Perception Is Reality

Friday, March 26th, 2010

I often order used books and CDs online, via sites like Half.com or Amazon. These purchases ensure that I receive a steady flow of packages in the mail, which in turns deludes me into believing that someone, somewhere, loves me.

At an average cost of under $5 per purchase, this system is far less expensive than either psychotherapy or frequenting prostitutes. It’s a win for me, a win for the sellers, and a win for the US Postal Service.

Well, it was a win for the USPS, until I received this particular package:

The Package

This book came in the mail, brought to me by a postal worker in short pants. It traveled some 3000 miles to get here, all so it could shatter my illusions.

You see, all my life, I’ve been stamping envelopes and paying for postage on packages. No more! After receiving this package and looking at the upper right corner, I now know it’s as simple as this:

The Stamp

So thank you, Timothy Wall of California. You’ve shown me that a package can make it across the entire continent on the fumes of fantasy. In so doing, you’ve opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to compensation.

Now who wants some Kafasis Bucks?

It's Money!
Kafasis Bucks – They’re Money!

The Republican Census is Depressingly Evil

Friday, March 12th, 2010

Yesterday, I mentioned the US Census, which will be arriving in mailboxes soon. However, you may have already received one “census”, specifically the:

2010 Congressional District Census
(Commissioned by the Republican Party)

The Republican Census

Yes, the Republican National Committee sent out fundraising letters designed to look like the official national Census. That someone could think it was a reasonable idea to create a mock census, particularly in the year of the official Census, is bad enough. But the way this is framed1 is absolutely bereft of even the slightest hint of human decency.

I received a later, slightly toned-down version of this “census”. It seems that complaints, either from recipients or the government itself, caused the Republicans to change things up a bit. Nevertheless, the version I received is still designed to look as official as possible:

  • The outer envelope shows my congressional district, useful solely in making this appear official, as well as the instruction DO NOT DESTROY.

  • The first line of the accompanying letter says “Your immediate action is required.”

  • The survey itself again indicates my congressional district. It also reads * DO NOT DESTROY * DO NOT DESTROY * DO NOT DESTROY * DO NOT DESTROY * DO NOT DESTROY * and talks about things like “ensuring that this Registered Survey is properly accounted for”.

Was I fooled? No. Might some people be fooled? Absolutely, and that’s not good for the real Census. Fortunately, it appears the practice will be banned in the future, with even Republicans in the House realizing how heinous this really is.

Nevertheless, I filled out the survey truthfully, even the incredibly leading questions2. I did have to modify the closing statement they provided for me, however. That modification is faithfully reproduced below.

Dear Chairman Steele,
I believe the principles and policies of the Republican Party are worth fighting for nearly non-existent and morally reprehensible, respectively. And I want to rebuild and refocus our Party all across the country to recruit and elect leaders that will listen to my concerns and fight for my interests. That’s why I am sending the RNC a supporting contribution snarky reply today.

Enclosed, please find my gift of: Something dense, just like you, to increase the postage cost.

Return Envelope

I’m off to find some thin sheets of lead. They really shouldn’t have given me a postage-paid envelope.

Footnotes:

  1. If you think you stomach it, you can download the full letter here. ↩︎

  2. Q: Do you support the creation of a national health insurance plan that would be administered by bureaucrats in Washington, D.C.?
    A: Yes. We’ve already got one called Medicare. And another called Medicaid. They work pretty damned well, you pathetic fearmongers. ↩︎

Hey, That’s Me! I’m a Resident! ∞

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

Over the past week, many people have received a letter from the Census Bureau, letting them know that the census form is coming. Plenty of lousy jokes have ensued.

The census is coming

These letters are a criminal waste of resources though, right? Apparently not. Direct from the Census Bureau:

In fact, every one percent increase in the number of households who mail back the form saves the taxpayers about $85 million in expensive door-to-door follow up…We have extensive research that shows additional mailings alerting households to the arrival of the census form increase response rates by about 6 to 12 percentage points.

The savings from that increase more than pay for these mailings. It costs about $85 million to print and mail the advance letter and reminder postcard. The potential increase in response rates demonstrated by our research could result in a savings of more than $500 million.

So, it cost $85 million, but it will save an estimated $500 million (and possibly as much as a billion dollars). That’s pretty good.

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