Crimo also had a collection of knives that he did NOT use for a mass casualty event.
Wednesday, July 6th, 2022
Look at Lilli Martini’s face and tell her America doesn’t need gun control.
If you can somehow manage that, read about how the shooter managed to obtain a gun permit despite multiple red flags. The insistence by the NRA and others that even common sense gun control measures are nothing short of tyranny is killing Americans every single day.
Go on, take the money and run.
Tuesday, July 5th, 2022
When it came to linking to this story of a man who was paid 27.5 years’ worth of salary for a single month of work and decided to disappear with the money, the only question was whether to use a Radiohead reference or a Steve Miller Band reference.
Sometimes a game’s a stinker, but it can still be fun.
Monday, July 4th, 2022
Baseball has all manner of statistics to track the performance of players. You might have heard of the unfortunately ever-more-rare “quality start”, wherein a pitcher goes 6+ innings and gives up 3 or fewer runs. Today, you can learn about its opposite, the “quantity shart”.
Bonus Pig lovers, unite
Friday, July 1st, 2022
After penning my recent tribute to the original Bonus Pig, I located the company’s blog post explaining the change, which apparently took place in mid-November 2021. That post is in Icelandic, and the Google translation is not stellar:
The Bónus brand has today been renewed and transformed into a modern costume with the well-known pig. Why is it okay to tamper with what might be right? Of course, the pig has been unchanged for over 30 years and is now being raised for the first time. This change is made to adapt the brand to the digital journey ahead in our business.
A contemporaneous article from Iceland Review that was written in English is more useful:
Remarking on the controversial mascot transformation, [Bónus CEO Guðmundur Marteinsson] said, “We’ve just streamlined him a little—it isn’t that big a change. We took out one or two lines that it’s always looked like we forgot to erase when he was initially designed,” he continued, pointing to a crinkle on the Bónus pig’s nose and an extra line on his back.
More dramatic, however, is the adjustment of the pig’s left eye. “He was always a bit cockeyed,” Guðmundur said. “But as I see it, this is part of our evolution.”
At least some of the fine citizens of Iceland were as dismayed as I was. From that same Iceland Review piece:
“Long live the Bónus pig!” proclaimed Rex Beckett on Facebook, screen-capping the messages she sent directly to the company. “I just wanted to say that I am extremely sad about the decision to change the Bónus Piggy’s look,” she wrote. “He was a delightful little weirdo with such a fun personality and his wonky eye made everyone happy.”
Amen. Alas, it seems unlikely that Bónus will see the light, but the original Bonus Pig can live on in our hearts.
It can also live on in song. Please enjoy the two-line musical riff I came up with while driving along Iceland’s Ring Road back in 2016. It should be sung to the tune of the chorus of Night Ranger’s “Sister Christian”, which was playing on the radio at the time:
🎶 Bonus Piiiig
What’s your price for havingawonkeye? 🎶
If you can come up with additional lyrics, do send them along.
When life hands you invasive green crabs, make whiskey.
Thursday, June 30th, 2022
Up in New Hampshire, a distillery is flavoring whiskey with invasive green crabs. At present, these efforts are not enough to get rid of these invasive crabs, with distiller Matt Power noting that “they would have to greatly increase their whiskey production to put a dent in green crab numbers”. So, uh, drink up for the environment 🥃?
Its time has come.
Wednesday, June 29th, 2022
In response to a one potential future for economy flights, Dan Kois has imagined a slightly less hellish option for air travel.
Look how they massacred my pig.
Tuesday, June 28th, 2022
Over in Iceland, there’s a supermarket chain called Bónus.1 When I visited the Nordic nation six years ago, I became very fond of the company’s logo, which I call the Bonus Pig. It’s a piggy bank (for savings!), and it’s so round that it often takes the place of the letter “O” in their name.2 Feast your eyes upon the Bonus Pig:
If you’re thinking “That looks rather silly”, you’re not wrong. It is silly, and that is what makes it great. But my friend, this little piglet used to be so, so much sillier. Please, click the play button below to morph the Bonus Pig back to its former glory:
Just look at that incredible wonkeye. It is the epitome of glorious imperfection. From the moment I happened upon the Bonus Pig in 2016, I was smitten. I shared it on Instagram:
[Photo courtesy of P. Kafasis]
For quite some time, I also re-used one of their plastic bags:
[Photo courtesy of S. Hiraiwa]
Can you believe this was the logo of the largest supermarket chain in an entire country? It’s amazing. Here it is on one of their storefronts:
The little piggy who owned a market also flew on flags:
A few months ago I even received a Bonus Pig shirt as a gift.3 I wear it proudly and wonkeyedily:
Please insert your own pig snort sound.
Alas, the original Bonus Pig was sanitized in the past year or so. Some swine, no doubt thinking that they could “fix” the Bonus Pig, went and gave the little dude corrective eye surgery. Just as when the execrable SAP Concur killed off Hipmunk, joy has once again been sucked from the world. It is a travesty. This is not my beautiful pig:
Before too many days go by, I hope the designer in question says to themselves “My God, what have I done?”, and sets to work undoing this regrettable change.
For now though, my wonkeyed little friend can still be spotted in various places around Bónus’s website. If and when it eventually disappears completely from there, this page will remain as a memorial to what was lost.
Footnotes:
Apparently, they’ve also got eight stores in the Faroe Islands. ↩︎
Technically, it’s the letter “Ó”, but I’m not really down with diphthongs. I’m going with a standard “o” in this post, and in my life. ↩︎
This shirt is a knockoff, so it’s particularly amusing that they kept the ® registered trademark symbol. ↩︎
You never want to see the word “bullet-proof” in quotes.
Monday, June 27th, 2022
When I saw the headline “Monkey in “bullet-proof” vest found dead after bloody cartel shootout in Mexico”, I thought I wanted to know more. I was wrong. I suggest that you not to follow that link.
Instead, live in the world I once occupied, a place where a hardened cartel member so loved his pet monkey that he gave him the bullet-proof vest off his own back in an unsuccessful attempt to save the simian. It’s much nicer there.
What's the best case for trash can pics? “Not too gross”?
Friday, June 24th, 2022
Over a decade ago, I spent a few extra bucks on some slightly more expensive trash cans from Simplehuman. Rather than using the absolutely cheapest refuse receptacle I could find, I thought I’d get something a little nicer. It’s been a fine decision.
In late May, I ordered some new trash bags from Simplehuman.1 They arrived quickly, and I put a couple in my trash cans, then moved on with my life.
Until three weeks later, when Simplehuman got in touch:
I would love to not hear from you, Simplehuman! I cannot fathom taking even 20 seconds of my life to leave a review for trash bags.2 I also can’t imagine needing a five star scale to rate trash bags. This is surely a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down situation, at most.
As for the invitation to get social, I’m going to have to decline that as well. Thanks anyhow, Simplehuman.
Footnotes:
Along the lines of the razors and blades model, Simplehuman offers custom-sized liners for their cans. They cost a few cents more than standard trash bags, but look a lot nicer. ↩︎
Don’t think I’ve failed to recognize the inherent ridiculousness in taking much longer than 20 seconds to write about all of this. I spend that time for you, dear reader. ↩︎
What a complete and utter waste.
Thursday, June 23rd, 2022
I can only chuckle ruefully at the idea of a massive ship taking exactly one voyage, from the shipyard where it was built directly to the scrapyard.
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