Archive for October, 2010

Bad Ads: Travelers’ Rattlesnake Ad

If you’ve been watching the MLB playoffs, you’ve been repeatedly subjected to the same ads over and over again. Contempt being bred by familiarity and all, it’s time for another critical look at commercial logic. This round features Travelers Insurance’s Rattlesnake ad, available on the Tube that is You.

Travelers’ own description of this ad is as follows:

In this commercial for Travelers Insurance, a rabbit unwittingly stumbles across a menacing rattlesnake. The rattlesnake loses all credibility, however, when we see that it’s had a bogus repair job done on its rattle.

A snake’s rattle is a warning to larger enemies, to persuade them to steer clear. Rattlesnakes are venomous, and inflict a toxic bite to immobilize prey before swallowing them whole. Put more succinctly? The rattle isn’t what kills you.

Rabbit, Spotting Snake
This rabbit is going to die.

A cocky desert rabbit who hears a rattle should be thankful he got a warning sound and he should run the other way. Such a rabbit should not fall over as he laughs it up, and he certainly should not call his friends over. Rabbit, that snake is going to bite your ass. He’s going to bite all your asses, then swallow you whole.

As I did last time, I will again provide free advice on how to fix things. In this case, said advice consists of just two words: “Dracula fangs”.

Dracula fangs

Picture it. The snake broke his fangs and got these shoddy replacements. It’d look hilarious, even more comical than a baby rattle. The rabbits could safely yuck it up and Travelers’ point would be made.

Advertisers, just like last time, this idea is yours free of charge that you might correct your nincompoopery. Here’s hoping.


Footnotes:

  1. As usual, here’s a mirror in case the video ever falls off YouTube.   

In The News: October 15th, 2010 Edition

Fed Deny Protection To Tiny Rabbit [Link]

NO! Now how will the FBI convince other tiny animals to testify?!

Manatee Sheriff: Man Says Cocaine in His Buttocks Isn’t His [Link]

Three questions:
1) A manatee sheriff?
2) Is it possible the author doesn’t quite know what buttocks are, or does the suspect have some sort of pouches surgically grafted onto his ass?
3) It’s not his, but it was found in his asscrack?

The story actually answers questions #1 and #3. Question #2 will remain unanswered for now.

Carrie Fisher: I Did So Much Cocaine on Star Wars Set That Even John Belushi Told Me I Had a Problem [Link]

Now that’s when you know you have a problem.

‘Fedelity’. That’s Our Word. We’re Keeping It.

Every so often, spam wheedles its way into my inbox. Sometimes, however, this spam can provide amusement instead of annoyance.

Spam email. Text as follows: This is to inform all our customers that we have resumed on giving out loans to the public, if you are interested in a loan service from us, reply to this mail or contact us at fedelitybnkloanservices@gmail.com. WE ARE FEDELITY.................... WE KEEP OUR WORD

This particular email would best be categorized as a pathetically weak attempt at phishing, where a malicious party poses as a legitimate company to obtain account information from those they manage to dupe.

The best phishing attempts are those which look the most authentic. They’re well-written, with proper spelling and a clear message. They often copy the name, look, and branding of a specific company. They’ll mimic the look and feel of a bona fide company as faithfully as possible. They have the highest…what’s the word?

Fidelity definition

Ah, that’s it.

Looks Brand New 

For the last six months, Sally Davies has been photographing the same McDonald’s Happy Meal. Apparently, and disturbingly, it hasn’t changed a bit.

One burger and fries, 180 days
(Photos via Sally Davies)

Davies started doing this after reading about Karen Hanrahan, who’s kept a burger for twelve years. A friend of Davies’ didn’t believe it, so she decided to reproduce the results. From Hanrahan’s page

Note that it looks exactly like it did the very day I bought it.

The flecks on the burger are crumbs from the bun.

The burger is starting to crumble a bit.

It has the oddest smell.

To be sure, this isn’t science. That said, it is nauseating.

Insane Christian Posse 

If you laughed or shuddered about Insane Clown Posse’s “Miracles” (famous for the line “Fucking magnets, how do they work?”), you may find this interview interesting and depressing in a darkly comic way. It’s a revealing look at Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, who’ve recently come out as evangelical Christians, despite two decades of spewing hate and violence.

Perhaps the best bit is when Violent J is attempting to explain the reason the duo wishes to remain joyfully ignorant to how magnets work:

“Well,” Violent J says, “science is…we don’t really…that’s like…” He pauses. Then he waves his hands as if to say, “OK, an analogy”: “If you’re trying to fuck a girl, but her mom’s home, fuck her mom! You understand? You want to fuck the girl, but her mom’s home? Fuck the mom. See?”

Read the whole thing, and see if it makes any more sense in context.

A “Parts Model”? 

Back in 2004, Kimbra Hickey was paid $300 for a two-hour photo shoot featuring her hands. Since then, the results of that shoot have been seen on the cover of millions of copies of Stephanie Meyer’s book Twilight. Now, Ms. Hickey is apparently trying to cash in on the immense popularity surrounding the vampire series.

The cover of Twilight

The good-natured Hickey sometimes hangs out near the cash register at the Barnes & Noble near her Greenwich Village apartment to spread the word. Surprised customers sometimes ask her for her autograph or to trace the outline of her hand on the book jacket.

She even carries around a Gala apple in her purse at times so she can recreate the pose for people.

Alternately, surprised customers do anything they can think of to appease the strange woman accosting them as they buy books for their 13-year-old daughters.

“I see people reading it on the subway, and I say, ‘Those are my hands! I’m a hand model!’ ” she explained. “I’m sure they think I’m crazy — a crazy lady on the subway.”

Thankfully, you’ve got that apple in your purse as proof!

That’s Quite the Battery Pack 

As a friend noted upon reading about this example of FBI ineptitude, it’s a good thing there are so few real terrorists.

On a related note, did you know the government can now track you via GPS, without a warrant? According to the 9th Circuit Court, your driveway isn’t really private property, and warrants are an unnecessary hindrance. That’s paraphrased, of course.

Follow-Up on Buckyballs 

It’s a day of follow-up links here on OFT. In discussing magnetic desk toys, I specifically pointed to Buckyballs because of the amusing warning found on their case. There are, however, many companies which sell a similar (and similarly-dangerous) product.

One such company is Zen Magnets. Apparently, Zen Magnets has been competing based on the superior quality of their product, and this has raised the hackles of Jake Bronstein of Buckyballs. Slashdot summarizes and there’s also a somewhat-bizarre, more-than-a-little obsessive video Zen Magnets made1 to explain things.

On the one hand, it seems Jake Bronstein of Buckyballs is kind of a jackass, and it’s regrettable to have promoted his company. On the other hand, the folks from Zen Magnets don’t acquit themselves well with their video. So, what magnetic desk ball toy should you buy? Hard science seems to show that Zen Magnets are ultimately the way to go, but who would have guessed that such a simple toy could cause so much anxiety?


Footnotes:

  1. In case this YouTube link dies, the movie is also mirrored here. ↩︎

Follow-Up on Foreclosures 

You may recall reading about Jason Grodensky a couple weeks back, who had the misfortune of having his home foreclosed upon by Bank of America, despite the fact that he had purchased the house outright. Shortly after this fiasco was exposed, Bank of America announced that they were halting foreclosures in 23 states. Why? They need to determine if they rushed the foreclosure process without even reading the relevant documents.

So, why only 23 states? From the article:

In some states, lenders can foreclose quickly on delinquent mortgage borrowers. By contrast, the 23 states in which Bank of America is delaying foreclosures use a lengthy court process. They require documents to verify information on the mortgage, including who owns it.

Requiring documents to verify the validity of the mortgage – imagine that. Predictably, the banks are already working to ruin this improvement.

Things I Learned Watching ‘Let The Right One In’

  • Don’t worry, that smell is just a hungry vampire.

  • If you want to say “Rubik’s Cube” in Swedish, it’s “Rubik’s Cube”. You’re well on your way to mastering a foreign language!

  • Geez, that creepy old guy was terrible at his job. Just awful.

  • Computer-generated cats really, really hate vampires.

  • Revenge on bullies seems ok, but that’s a bit much, don’t you think?

  • The American version of the book on which the film is based is called “Let Me In” because the publishers believed that “Let The Right One In”, the original title, was too long.

  • Publishers think everyone is as stupid as they are.