Barvd: February 13th, 2012 Edition

Monday, February 13th, 2012

Welcome to the first edition of Barvd (What’s Barvd?) for 2012. This is a special Valentine’s Day edition1, and just like that saccharine holiday, it makes me want to throw up. Join the fun!

I prefer creamy, but chunky isn't so bad on occasion. Hey, enough about me coughing up mucus, which kind do you hey where are you going
@seanhussey

Sean’s admitted that sometimes he writes them just for Barvd. Even knowing that, I’m still horrified, and not just by his shameless pandering.

I just sneezed and now I'm craving tapioca pudding.
@justin

Oh…oh god. I…I don’t even know what to do with this one, you guys. Let’s just move on.

if you haven't vacuumed in a while and you drop a piece of food on the floor, don't just eat the first thing you pick up.
@phillygirl

Well now that’s just sound advice.

'You girls get that weird pubic hair from your father.' This is why we drink at Christmas.
@AmyJane

What I want to know is how this conversation start-actually, you know what? I don’t. I don’t wanna know.

You probably don’t think our last tweet could top this for sheer awfulness though, right?

The look in my dog's eyes tells me he loves me. The smell from his mouth tells me he's been rim jobbing a homeless person.
@samhey

How woefully wrong you were. Enjoy the mental image, and Happy Valentine’s Day!

Submit Your Own
The world’s an awful place, and I can’t navigate it all on my own. If you spot an awful tweet, please be sure to submit a link.

Footnotes:

  1. Inasmuch as it’s being published right near Valentine’s Day. ↩︎