The Mexican pizza is back on Taco Bell’s menu, and as the prophesy foretold, “Mexican Pizza: The Musical” has hit the internet along with it.1 Because I love my readers and/or because I hate myself, I watched all three acts of this insanity.
My review? It’s definitely the best musical I’ve seen in years, and not just because it’s the only musical I’ve seen in years. Also because it’s over after just 12 minutes and 3 seconds. I…I really don’t like musicals, y’all. I can get down with fever dreams turned into reality, however, and this surely is that. I felt drunk just watching it.
As regular readers may recall, the Southern drawl of Dolly Parton was tapped to play the Mexican pizza, and she is indeed so featured. In addition to giving voice to a floating Mexican pizza, Parton also appears as herself, in something of a narrator role. Her entire part of this is half-assed, or perhaps closer to quarter-assed, which is probably the funniest possible outcome. As one wag noted (in a seemingly unlinkable TikTok comment) “Dolly worked 9-9:15 on this one”.
Doja Cat put in even less work for her cameo, wherein she laughed maniacally and ate a Mexican pizza next to a dog and possibly a pool:
Nevertheless, this production has surely accomplished exactly what Taco Bell hoped it would. Now you, dear reader, have been informed that the Mexican pizza is back at Taco Bell. Do with that knowledge what you will. As for the musical, like an actual Taco Bell Mexican pizza, I can’t recommend that you consume it. Still, I’ll understand if you do.
Footnotes:
The musical was initially posted to TikTok in an annoying three parts, but Taco Bell wisely put it on their YouTube channel as a single video. That’s the far more convenient link I’m using. ↩︎
