In the midst of a global pandemic, Santa Claus is a really bad idea.
Previous “COVID-19” posts
The Brutal Reality of COVID-19 ∞
COVID-19 is real, it is deadly, and we all need to take it seriously.
Wednesday, December 9th, 2020
The Washington Post has a remarkable piece wherein seven nurses detail their experiences working during the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. The entire thing is gut-wrenching, but this story from Utah nurse Nate Smithson really knocked me back.
If a patient’s heart stops or if they stop breathing, we call a code blue, and that’s when the doctor, respiratory therapist, nurses, everybody comes into the room. We start chest compressions or CPR or that kind of stuff. This one patient’s heart is not working. So I call the code blue. We all get in there. We start doing the chest compressions. Five minutes later, we get the patient back. We all go back about our work. Twenty minutes later, same thing happens again. We start doing the chest compressions. We start pushing medications as fast as we can to get the patient back again.
The spouse comes into the hospital. I explain: “Just so you know, this is what happened before. It could possibly happen again. If it does, I’m going to need you to step outside of the room.” And as I’m explaining this, sure enough, it happens again. We lose the pulse. We lose the heartbeat. So I ask her to leave the room. Everyone gets in there, and we start going for it. We went for almost two hours: chest compressions, pushing medications, shocking the patient’s heart.
The doctor is ultimately the one who makes the decision about when we stop, and they call time of death. But typically in situations like that, where it’s unexpected and sudden, they want to make sure that everybody can go home that night feeling OK about what they did, knowing that they did everything. And after an hour, he stops, turns to the room and asks: Does anyone have a problem with us stopping?
I didn’t have a problem, but then as he’s saying that, I look out the window, and the patient’s wife is just watching us. She’s been sitting out there watching us for an hour, and no one’s saying anything.
And I ask them to keep going.
So we did. We went almost for another hour after that, and we didn’t get the patient back. He ended up dying.
But I think for me, that was important — to keep going. Not because we thought we would get them back, but so that his wife would know that we did everything we could.
I still go to bed with her face kind of burned into my mind, of just seeing her sitting out there watching us, and that’s what kills me.
Wear a mask. Wash your hands. Stay home.
Read the Room, American Airlines
On the other hand, maybe they're expecting a lot of people to book a one-way flight out of here.
Wednesday, November 4th, 2020
What do you do the day after perhaps the most contentious election in American history, when the winner of the presidency has yet to be determined? Apparently, if you’re American Airlines, you send out a marketing email entitled “Why our cleaning strategy works”. Said email touts the ability of their cleaning practices to reduce COVID-19 risks on their planes:
Even if air travel weren’t something best avoided while a global pandemic is raging, maybe not today, huh, AA?
Major League Baseball’s Bad Example
He's always been the superspreader.
Wednesday, October 28th, 2020
In the 6th inning of game 6 of the 2020 World Series, Tampa Bay Rays starting pitcher Blake Snell was lifted by his manager, Kevin Cash. Snell had just given up a one out single to the number nine batter Austin Barnes, but that was only the second hit of the night for the Los Angeles Dodgers. Further, the next three batters Snell was due to face had gone 0-6 against him, with 6 strikeouts. It’s essentially impossible for a pitcher to more thoroughly dominate the top of the order.
Following the move, the Dodgers plated two runs to take a slim lead over the Rays, 2-1. That pitching change will no doubt be questioned for a long time by Tampa Bay’s dozens of faithful fans. However, while second-guessing is an enjoyable part of watching any sport, I’m focused on this change for a different reason. It turned out to be the first part of a chain reaction which led to Major League Baseball’s quintessential finish to the 2020 season.
You see, in the eighth inning, Los Angeles still held that slim 2-1 lead. Though the game’s result was certainly far from certain, Dodgers starting third baseman Justin Turner was abruptly removed from the lineup. At the time, the change was even more inexplicable than Snell’s, with announcers speculating about a possible injury. Only later was the reason for the switch revealed: Turner had tested positive for COVID-19. In an effort to stop the spread of this deadly virus that has taken so much and so many from the world, he was immediately isolated.
Until he wasn’t. When the Dodgers got the last out in the ninth and captured baseball’s ultimate prize, Turner made his way out of the designated isolation room. He came back onto the field to join the party. Sometimes masked, and sometimes not, he celebrated with his teammates. He hoisted the championship trophy. He posed, grin shining through his fiery red beard, for team photos:
Maybe Turner believed the nonsense coming out of the White House, including the outright lie that Donald Trump’s administration has ended the COVID-19 pandemic. Here in the real world, however, positive cases are soaring to horrifying new heights. Hospitals in America are being overwhelmed, and hundreds of thousands of people have died from a disease that continues to spread like wildfire. Despite all that, a professional athlete was shown on television being incredibly reckless with the health of those around him.
I can certainly understand Turner not wanting to miss a moment he’d worked his entire life for. The desire to celebrate with the rest of his team was a natural one. I hope there are no further cases among the Dodger organization, and that no other players, coaches, or family members get sick. Perhaps this incident can quietly die down to a mere footnote.
But even if that happens, it will be by sheer luck. There is a deadly virus going around and around the globe, and we can’t simply ignore it. We can’t pretend our way out of this thing. The picture above is emblematic of the fact that collectively, we Americans still haven’t learned that sacrificing for others is essential in getting past this pandemic. That’s not something to celebrate.
Major League Baseball took incredible, unprecedented precautions to enable teams to play a 2020 season. Yet over and over, even in the final game of the year, the virus still broke through. Now, it’s left a stain on what should be the game’s ultimate triumph.
He Knows That They’ve Been Bad, Not Good ∞
$250 million seems like rather a lot of money for even a massive nationwide ad campaign.
Monday, October 26th, 2020
Attempting to bribe Santa Claus is surely one of the naughtiest things one can do. It’s also entirely on brand for the Trump Administration.
Voting Information: American’s election is well underway, with tens of millions of early votes already cast. If you haven’t voted yet, please, please, please make a plan to do so, either immediately by mail, or in person if possible.
For the benefit of all mankind, the nightmare of the Trump presidency needs to end as soon as possible. Visit https://vote.org for more details – in many states, there’s still time to register. Once you’ve done that, make sure your friends and family are voting as well.
Silencio, Por Favor!
This story requires just two pictures.
Friday, October 23rd, 2020
Did I get some sweet new headphones? Am I some sort of YouTube gamer now?
No. However, there is jackhammering 50 feet from me.
So, this is how I live now.
A Journey to Nowhere ∞
Have you been missing the gentle touch of a TSA officer?
Friday, October 9th, 2020
While COVID-19 has me missing traveling, I can’t say I particularly miss the act of flying. Though our ability to jet around the globe is incredible if you stop and think about it, airlines have managed to grind out nearly all the wonder of it, leaving it as little more than a utilitarian transportation option.
Apparently, however, at least some people do miss modern air travel. They miss it enough that they’re taking sightseeing flights to nowhere.
For those who can’t wait to get back to the skies, some airlines have started to offer sightseeing flights that offer all the thrill of air travel without actually going anywhere.
I shudder to think of the carbon footprint on this.
One Magical Front Door
Why, how do you spend your money when you can't travel or really go out at all?
Friday, September 25th, 2020
Recently, I bought some potato chips. More specifically, I bought 156 single-serving bags of potato chips from England. Now sure, ordering over $100 worth of junk food might seem crazy. But what you have to remember is that it’s 2020, and we each need to find a way to get through this thing. Also, the British really know their way around a salt & vinegar “crisp”, as they call them.
So yes, this happened:
Only a fraction of the haul
[Photo courtesy of P. Kafasis]
As absurd as this recent purchase might seem, however, it’s far from the most ridiculous thing going on here. First, let’s talk shipping speed. My order was dispatched from England in the afternoon on Monday, September 14th. It was driven from Bristol to East Midlands airport about two hours away, then flown across the Atlantic to New York City. There, it cleared customs, and was quickly driven to Boston. Just over 48 hours after it began its journey, the box was at my front door. That’s simply unnecessary, particularly for such a frivolous purchase.
Better still is the note DHL added to the last item of the tracking information:
This was not in fact the approximate location where I signed for the package. Instead, the delivery was left without an actual signature or even a ring of the doorbell. Thankfully, I noticed it before any snack fiends could make off with my precious cargo. If I hadn’t, however, I think DHL would’ve had a hard time defending themselves given this note.
A Second Chance for a Strange Chair ∞
I'm also delighted that the Washington Post completely declined to explain the banana for scale meme.
Monday, September 21st, 2020
In what may well be the worst year of many of our lives (…so far), this story of a fish chair is a brief bit of relief.
Coming to You Live From His Mother’s Basement ∞
Does Steiner actually have a urinal in his house?
Thursday, September 10th, 2020
OK, it’s not quite as ridiculous as the headline would suggest, but Dodgers announcer Charley Steiner is broadcasting the 2020 season from his own living room.
