Previous “Lists” posts

An Incomplete List of Major League Baseball Players Who May Be “Greek Fellas”, According to My Father

Wednesday, June 4th, 2014

An Incomplete List of Major League Baseball Players Who May Be “Greek Fellas”, According to My Father

When it was suggested to him that Didi Gregorius might be a Greek fella, my father sagely replied “I don’t think so…”.

Didi Gregorius
Didi Gregorius? Not a Greek.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Previously in lists of baseball players: A Comprehensive List of Outfielders Who’ve Played Baseball for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Share a Last Name With a Type of Fish

An Incomplete List of Things People Clap for, in Increasing Order of Stupidity

Thursday, March 20th, 2014

An Incomplete List of Things People Clap for, in Increasing Order of Stupidity

  • Rock Concerts
    Admittedly, the band is right there and they can hear your applause, so this one isn’t horrendously dumb. However, everyone knows they’re going to do an encore and it doesn’t actually have anything to do with how much you cheer. You’re not fooling anyone, popular music band!

  • Airplane Landings
    Listen, I too am ecstatic that we didn’t plummet out of the sky during our flight.1 But this is the way things are supposed to work. It’s the way things do work, tens of thousands of times each day. You don’t applaud when your cab driver gets you to your meeting, nor when the elevator reaches your floor.

  • Movies
    Unless you’re at a film festival, no one involved in the making of the film is present. So, to whom exactly are you showing your appreciation? The surly teenager working the projector could not care less.

  • Sunsets
    I just can’t even I mean what the UGH!


Footnotes:

  1. Or simply disappear altogether, for that matter. ↩︎

A Complete List of Warning Messages Cycling Through the Dashboard of the Last Cab I Took

Tuesday, February 12th, 2013
  • SERVICE EMISSIONS SYS

  • HOOD AJAR

  • REGEN BRAKES DISABLED

  • SERVICE BRAKE SYSTEM

The fact that someone coded the car’s dash system to be able to cycle through so many messages is kinda concerning. More troubling, perhaps, than the apparent lack of brakes the aforementioned cab possessed.

Previously.

A Comprehensive List of Outfielders Who’ve Played Baseball for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Share a Last Name With a Type of Fish

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

A Comprehensive List of Outfielders Who’ve Played Baseball for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Share a Last Name With a Type of Fish

This page will be updated as necessary. Rest assured that a careful eye is being kept on Mr. Mike Carp.

Further Inappropriate Uses of Comic Sans

Friday, March 30th, 2012

After seeing this ridiculous (but very real) city government form, the idea of other inappropriate uses of Comic Sans arose. Submitted for your consideration:

Ten More Entirely Inappropriate Uses of the Font Comic Sans

  • Death Certificates

  • Paternity Test Results

  • Sexual Predator Disclosure Notices

  • The 9/11 Commission Report

  • Diplomatic Cables (STOP USING COMIC SANS STOP SERIOUSLY THOUGH, STOP STOP)

  • Pink slips

  • STD Test Results

  • Declarations of War

  • Bris Invitations

  • Suicide Notes (Non-Clown)

[This list compiled during a virtual Algonquin Round Table with @toldorknown and @moltz.]

An Incomplete List of Untrustworthy Adults

Monday, June 6th, 2011

Jerry Rubin famously told us “Don’t trust anyone over thirty.” Lesser-known 60’s radical James Simon Kunen wrote “I agree in principle, but I think they ought to drop the zero”. While amusing, both sentiments are perhaps overly broad. As such, I’ve started keeping my own more specific list. Join me as I share my intolerance!

An Incomplete List of Untrustworthy Adults

  • Adults who wear Crocs in public

  • Adults who return from a Caribbean vacation with their hair in braids

  • Dick Cheney

  • Adults who lick their fingers to turn a page in a book or newspaper

  • Adults who drink Mountain Dew

Two Short Lists About Characters

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

Characters Which Don’t Deserve to Be on My First-Level Keyboard:

  • ` (Backtick/grave)

  • \ (Backslash)

  • ; (Semi-colon)

Characters It Would Be More Useful to Have on My Keyboard, as I Refer to Them in Conversation More Frequently Than I Ever Need to Type Any of the Previous List of Characters:

Update: After a few minutes of photo editing, I present my personally more useful keyboard:

A More Useful Keyboard
[Click to enlarge]

An Incomplete List of Words That Sound Like Ethnicities, But Aren’t

Monday, April 19th, 2010
  • Bazillion

  • Clench

  • Manganese

  • Cherub

  • Squeamish