It beats a kick in the pants, but not much else.
For several years now, Target has sent me a birthday “gift”. Specifically, it comes from “Target Circle™”, their loyalty program I apparently signed up for at some point in 2019.1 While writing this post, I checked in to see just how much I’ve used Target Circle™:
Apparently, I used it $0.00 worth.
I don’t shop at Target very often, but I’ve certain spent a bit of money there in the past three years, That said, I’ve also never done anything to make sure my reward information is linked to those few purchases I did make. Nevertheless! Despite my obvious disinterest (or perhaps because of it), each year Target emails me near my birthday with this offer:
This is superior to only four discounts they might provide.
5% off is better than nothing, but it’s not really very enticing. However, what I do enjoy is the carve-outs listed in the fine print.2 Target excludes nearly 100 products and brands, including alcohol, Apple, Google, Hasbro, LG and Samsung TVs, video game consoles from Facebook, Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony, and even Weber grills. Basically, if you’re interested in it, you probably won’t get 5% off. But hey, feel free to stock up on, I don’t know, deodorant and toothpaste at a not-so-fabulous discount, unless those fall under “clinic & pharmacy”, which they very well might.3
An Assorted List of Amusing Items Which Target Will Not Allow to Be Discounted by a Measly 5%
HALO Baby, Honest Baby, and Hudson Baby
There’s no restriction listed for DEVIL Baby, Liar Baby, or East River Baby.
Galactic Snackin’ Grogu
“Grogu” is apparently the real name for “Baby Yoda”. And I guess he snacks, possibly even galactically.
Plan B
People in need of the morning-after pill are stressed enough. Does Target really need to add to their woes by not providing 5% off on this item?
Elf on the Shelf
I don’t think this little snitch belongs in children’s lives at even 95% off.
Dairy milk
This is interesting, as it indicates they have a better profit margin on the trendy alternative milks like almond, oat, and even pea milk (Yes, that’s a thing).
Polder
I’d never heard of this brand, which apparently makes home products that are “useful, beautiful and better”. I can’t say their name is very appealing.
Thomas Tranes (sic) & Cranes Super Tower
I like to imagine an alternate reality where Thomas is not a British tank engine, but an AC condenser with a Wisconsin accent. Or an Irish one. Or both!
Tylenol PM pain relief
This bizarre item stood out to three different people who skimmed the list. Is Tylenol PM a luxury brand, and if so, when the hell did that happen?
I hope I can remember to check on this next year, to see what’s hot and what’s not.