Jolien Boumkwo Kicks Ass

She went the extra ~1/16th of a mile.

When multiple teammates were taken down by injuries, Belgian shot putter Jolien Boumkwo stepped up (and over), running the 100m hurdles to keep her team alive in this past weekend’s European Championships.

6 world-class hurdlers, and one additional competitor, much farther back
[Link]1

Boumko competing in the event provided her team with one point instead of zero. It also allowed us to see the fruition of a beautiful dream:

A tweet which reads “Every Olympic event should include one average person
competing, for reference.”
[Link]

On the 100-meter hurdles, 32.81 seconds is the new benchmark for the rest of us.


Footnotes:

  1. I’ve archived the full video. You may notice they sped it up, because 32+ seconds is kind of a long time. That’s a little bit comical, but you should also be sure to notice Boumkwo’s competitors shaking her hand after the race is finished. ↩︎

Cause The Garage Door

Shoddy Identification; Really Irksome

Though Siri may have eventually learned the word “gazpacho”, it’s consistently finding new ways to vex me. Recently, I simply wanted to close my garage door from my Apple Watch, something I do frequently without issue:

An Apple Watch Screen reading: “Cause the Garage Door” and “Your garage doors can’t do that.”

For the record, I was not talking with my mouth full.

Fun With the Memo Field While Committing Abhorrent Crimes 

With just three little words, “head number 7” says so much.

Recently, the manager of the Harvard Med School morgue was accused of stealing and selling human body parts. Cedric Lodge and his wife Denise were among a half-dozen people arrested for some pretty grotesque crimes. This part is also at least a little bit funny though:

Over a three-year period, Taylor appeared to pay Denise Lodge more than $37,000 for human remains. One payment, for $1,000 included the memo “head number 7.” Another, for $200, read “braiiiiiins.”

In a recent Money Stuff column, Matt Levine’s take was that the memo field itself is the issue:

…[Y]ou can know, intellectually, that you should not put evidence of crimes in writing, but when you get to the little memo field in PayPal or Venmo or your checkbook or whatever, and you are buying human brains stolen from the morgue, you will be unable to resist writing “brains.” I get it! I am typing this advice, and I have seen the consequences when people fail to follow it, and I have absolutely no interest in ever buying stolen human remains, and if I did I would not use PayPal, but if I did buy brains using PayPal, I would absolutely type “braiiins” in the memo field. “Welp, guess I’m going to prison,” I’d think, as I typed it. The temptation is so strong!

Levine proposes a niche payment platform that specifically does not have a memo field, or better yet, has a memo field which does not actually save. You know, for crimes you just really want to talk about but know you shouldn’t.

Street Name-Based Marketing 

Still, how long until Nintendo sues for mis-use of their IP?

I simply cannot imagine purchasing a home on Squirtle Lane. And yet, that’s just one of the ridiculous names Andrea Miller came up with for Serenity Place, a housing development where the streets are named after Pokémon.

Streets signs for Jigglypuff Place and Charmander Lane

There may be a bit of marketing genius at play here, however. Upon visiting the Harmony Homes website, I was able to take a look at their interactive sales map.

Sales map for Serenity place

This screenshot shows that they’ve already closed several dozen sales, highlighted in blue. But a close inspection shows that while “Jigglypuff Place” bisects the development, all the houses front two streets with much more standard names: “Watford Place” and “East Sunset Road”. It seems likely that while residents may find themselves traversing some ridiculously-named streets, their actual home addresses will not prompt disbelief or ridicule. It’s rather clever.

“We’re working on one project right now where we’re naming streets after characters in the TV show Yellowstone,” she added. “And we did one after Mortal Kombat, the video game…I never thought something like this would end up drawing so much attention, so it’s been really interesting and fun to see the reaction to it.”

You have to admit, “Scorpion Drive” is a great name for a desert street.

Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg Agree to Hold Cage Fight 

Social media makes reality so damned weird.

If this pair of the detested billionaires actually do fight, two nerds will enter, one nerd will leave. Then the other nerd will leave after being declared the winner.1


Footnotes:

  1. Video archived here. ↩︎

Good People Ran Toward Danger in the Middle of a Storm 

When thunder roars, go indoors.

On August 4, 2022, Amber Escudero-Kontostathis was part of a group of four people who were victims of a lightning strike. She was the only one who survived, and just barely:

The Secret Service agents who reached Amber first said her skin was dark purple and gray, and her mouth strangely locked open. They had small defibrillators but couldn’t get them to work in the rain. A doctor from the White House and two passing tourists who work as ER nurses kept her alive with CPR.

The first time they resuscitated her in the park, Amber recovered just long enough to squeeze one nurse’s hand and lock eyes with an agent. Then her heart stopped again for 13 minutes. But because of that squeeze, they told her later when she met with them, they didn’t give up.

It’s been ten months, and Escudero-Kontostathis is still recovering. William Wan’s piece is an inspiring read.

Florentijn Hofman’s Giant Ducks 

🎶 Rubber duckie, I’m awfully fond of you 🎶

The next time you’re having a rough day, say a 5 or worse on the Rubber Duck Scale:

A collection of 9 rubber ducks getting progressively less and less inflated

Why not take a look at these fantastic pictures?

A massive rubber duck over a crowd of people

If you’re anything like me, they’re sure make you smile.

Two Guys Watching the Proud Boys Have Their Day in Court 

Definitely wankers, though.

If you’re looking for a fun and fascinating activity to do with your father-in-law, you could apparently do worse than visiting a federal courthouse.

No End to Its Fluent Pomposity 

Being confidently wrong is worse than just being wrong.

We already know that ChatGPT is a liar. Part of the problem with it is how authoritative it sounds. Despite being frequently wrong, it states everything with extreme confidence. This flaw is perhaps most obvious when seeing how ChatGPT flounders with something simple like tic-tac-toe.

One Final Beatles Song 

John is dead, though.

Thanks to machine learning, there may soon be yet another Beatles song. But rather than something awful like ChatGPT writing lyrics, this is just using advanced technology to clean up old audio.