Behold, the Durex Variety Bowl!
This preposterous purchase will give you 144 condoms, in several different varieties1, all in one convenient candy bowl. A gross of condoms. Gross. It’s quite a bargain though, as the Durex Variety Bowl costs just $29.99.
“But Paul”, I hear my male readers whining, “I’m not some sort of man-whore. How will I use all of these?”. To that I reply that perhaps you should become some sort of man-whore. Certainly any girl who sees this in your bedroom will assume as much anyway, so why not go with it? If she sticks around, you’ll enjoy carnal pleasures and possibly earn some spendin’ money while you’re at it.
Honestly though, when a girl sees this on a guy’s nightstand, won’t she be horrified? Or perhaps even worse, how about when a guy sees it on a girl’s nightstand? Hooray for safe sex and the cost savings of buying in bulk, but there are limits!
In spite of the incredible lasciviousness of this product, or possibly because of it, you may find it appealing. Perhaps you like a challenge. If you do decide to take the plunge, you’re likely to find yourself in a race against the expiration dates on these prophylactics. My advice? Spring for the express shipping. Every second counts.
According to Drugstore.com, they are:
• Natural Feeling
• Pleasure Max
• Extra Sensitive
• Her Sensation
Who gets to name these things? That seems like a sweet gig. ↩︎