Last month, Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco (née Johnson) released a breakfast cereal named Ochocinco’s. Made by PLB Sports (“Your premier source for athlete-endorsed, quality food products”), a portion of the proceeds from sales will benefit Feed the Children.

Cereal apparently shown at actual size

The box itself also includes information about the charity, along with a phone number for customers to call. The problem is that toll-free prefix for the number is wrong, so instead of hearing about how to feed the children, callers wind up phoning a sex line. Then again, I suppose even women paid to have phone sex are someone’s children.

The 2010 Ig Nobel prizes are set to be awarded tomorrow at Harvard, but one winner from 2009 is in the news ahead of the ceremony. Dr. Elena Bodnar has finally brought her product, the EB Bra, to market. When needed, the bra converts into two respiratory face masks. Have a look:

Love is…saving a life with your underwear.

From the EBBra.com FAQ

Why should I have an Emergency Bra instead of the bras I usually purchase?

The Emergency Bra can be the same as the bras typically purchased by women in terms of aesthetics, various sizes, colors, shapes and styles. However, in addition to this typical function, the bra can also serve the additional function of a personal protective respiratory device if necessary.…The question becomes why not purchase bras that serve the same purpose as any conventional bra, along with this extra important function.

Why not indeed!

The Boston, Massachusetts police unveiled their slightly creepy ice cream truck back in July. Now the cops in Boston, England have unveiled their own offbeat new vehicle – a police tractor.

You might be thinking “What the hell good is a police tractor?”. Obviously it won’t do much in a high-speed pursuit. Perhaps there are criminal crops, in need of reaping? No, according to Phil Vickers, the man behind this idea:

“The…purpose is to capture the public’s attention and deliver the message that we take rural crime very seriously.”

Wasting tens of thousands of dollars on a tractor to “capture attention” does seem to make it clear just how seriously you take rural crime.

The world abounds with bad designs. Some designs, however, cross the line from bad to actively evil. Dark Patterns catalogs and documents these types of designs. One particular favorite? The well-named roach motel (as in “You check in, but you can’t check out”).

If you’ve ever bought a house, you know just what a frightening mess of paperwork it is. Even when it’s over, the bank still owns “your” house until you pay off the mortgage. If you’re fortunate (and wealthy) enough, however, you can purchase it outright. That should get you set.

Unless, of course, it doesn’t. Jason Grodensky paid in full for his house, but seven months later, Bank of America foreclosed on the house despite the fact that he didn’t even have a mortgage.

“It looks like it was a mistake in communication between us and the attorneys handling the foreclosure,” said Bauwens.

That is one hell of a “mistake”.

After viewing the lousy “$#*! My Dad Says” pilot last night, I posted a link to a rather scathing review. The review had some good laughs in it, at the expense of the show. However, nothing made me laugh nearly as much as what I just read.

Apparently the punctuation used in the show’s title to represent the word “shit” caused many DVRs to break in various ways when trying to find and record the show. For shows which depend (in part) on viewer data from DVRs, that’s just adding injury to insult.

Tim Goodman reviewed the pilot of “$#*! My Dad Says” for the San Francisco Gate:

For the record, the original pilot [of $#*! My Dad Says] was reshot. The new version, airing tonight, is much improved. Meaning it went from unspeakable to unwatchable.

I love a good insult, and that’s a good insult. It goes on:

Of course, watching it twice (three times, actually) turned on the lightbulb. Initially the thought was, “What does CBS see in a Twitter sensation about a son and his rambling, crotchety father?” Then it all made sense. You saw this as some kind of Andy Rooney tirade stretched to 22 minutes, didn’t you? That’s how you got your mind around it.

After one episode, the laugh track was grating, the characters were unsympathetic, and the premise was dull. So, pretty standard fare for network television.

The over-hyped Cuil search engine is now dead, along with its offshoot “automated encyclopedia” Cpedia. PC Magazine reported on it on Saturday, even quoting yours truly.

Now that it’s gone and the servers have been shut down, all that’s left are things such as the previous post on this very site. Happily, we can still view archived screenshots.